S1 Fragments
by firebreathingfishies
Summary: A collection of one-shots following the Doctor and Ashley Chambers' adventures. The Tardis is falling to bits, some fruit shouldn't be eaten, the Doctor has a dirty secret - just a hint at what they get up to between episodes. Complete.
1. Slow Day

**A/N: Okay, I discovered a little USB stick in the bottom of my drawer this morning and discovered random little snippets I had written about the Doctor and Ashley ages ago and apparently forgot about lol. Well, I liked them and so I decided to post them. They're mainly just daft really and have nothing to do with the main storyline in the episodes I'm doing. So... well here's the first one. Hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think xD**

* * *

**Slow Day**

There was a crash, then a _whoosh_. Followed by a weird popping sound.

'Ah pickles!' the Doctor cried from beneath the metal grate that acted as the floor of the TARDIS control room.

This peculiar choice of curse word caught Ashley's attention, and she looked up from the Rubik's cube she had been working on for the past three hours while the Doctor did some maintenance on his precious TARDIS. She hesitated, unwilling to part with the puzzle in her hands, but she knew that if the Doctor had trapped himself in some machinery he wouldn't be best pleased if her excuse for not helping had been because she wanted to finish the cube. She dropped it on the seat beside her and headed over to the hole in the floor.

Peering inside, she saw the Doctor with his hand clamped over something and a slightly panicked expression on his face. He looked up with wide eyes at Ashley. She half smiled in return.

'Pickles?' she enquired, teasingly.

'We uh… we might have a problem.' The Doctor told her worriedly. 'Of the perilous kind.'

Ashley squatted and continued to look down at him. 'What have you done now?'

The Doctor looked offended. 'Why do you immediately assume that it's something I must have _done_?'

'Well by the look on your face and the way you're making sure your hand doesn't move from that spot…' She cocked a knowing eyebrow. 'It's pretty obvious.'

He looked momentarily annoyed that he was so predictable, but the worry quickly returned. 'Okay, I may have accidentally removed the cap that holds back most of the residual time energy, which is practically radiation by the way, and if it spills out then we'll more than likely rip a whole in space the size of the Jupiter.'

Ashley looked at him for a moment. 'A cap? You keep energy that can blow a hole in space and keep it confined with a little _cap_?'

The Doctor shook his head impatiently. 'I know, I know. I'll get a screw top or something. Now are you going to help me or are you going to sit looking at me until we get turned inside out?'

She raised her eyebrows. 'We'll get turned inside out?'

'I don't know,' he replied impatiently. 'Do you want to find out?'

Ashley pondered for a moment. The situation seemed to be quite dire actually. She cleared her throat and clapped her hands on her knees. 'Okay then, what do you want me to do?'

The Doctor glanced down. 'I dropped it down here somewhere. It's on the floor but I just can't see quite where it went… You'll have to come down and look for it for me.'

Ashley looked at the crampt area the Doctor occupied. 'I'm not going to be able to fit in there.'

'Course you will. Now get down here before we combust.'

She frowned, and then sighed heavily. She dropped down into the hole and discovered that she was right. There was no way she was going to be able to look for anything down here. She was squashed up against the Doctor, barely able to lift her arms.

'This isn't going to work.' She told him. 'I'm not going to be able to get down on the floor. You're going to have to get out.'

The Doctor shot her an impatient look. 'Oh yeah I'll just take my hand off here while you have a little look about shall I? There's plenty of room. You keep going on about how skinny I am, you'll be able to squeeze down there.'

Ashley glanced down. 'Have you not got anything else you can block the hole with until we find it?'

'Just look for it!'

'Okay, okay,' Ashley muttered, sliding down. She ended up squatting on the floor, her knees on either side of the Doctor's leg and she began feeling around on the floor. 'Well what does it look like then?'

'It's a cap.' The Doctor replied. 'Like… like a cola bottle cap.'

Ashley felt around on the floor. 'How the hell did you manage to knock it off anyway?' Her hand touched something small and cold and she picked it up. She looked at the small china dog and looked up at the Doctor curiously.

He wasn't looking back at her however. 'I just moved around too quickly.' He told her. 'Knocked it off with my elbow.'

Ashley put the small china dog aside and began feeling around again. The Doctor shifted his feet as he made a daring attempt at swapping hands. 'Keep still!' she hissed at him. 'It's bad enough being squashed down here without you sticking your arse in my face.'

'Hurry up will you?' the Doctor replied impatiently. 'All the radiation is making my hand itchy.'

Ashley shot him an annoyed look and felt around a little more. Eventually, her hand landed on something small and circular, and she lifted it up. She narrowed one eye at the cola bottle cap. 'You know when you said it was like a cola bottle cap?' she said, already knowing what the Doctor's response was going to be. 'Did you mean that it _is_ a cola bottle cap?'

The Doctor looked down and held out his free hand. 'Give it here.' He said quickly, embarrassment in his voice.

Smirking, Ashley handed it to him. 'Where'd you find this ship? The dump?'

'Don't you talk about her like that,' the Doctor frowned, quickly pushing the cap back into place. 'She's just… old. She had some bits and pieces that needed replacing and I didn't have the proper parts. So I had to… improvise.'

He lowered his hands from the cap and brushed them on his suit. He pressed himself back so Ashley could stand up. The top of Ashley's head came up to his shoulder, and she had to twist her neck awkwardly to see his face.

'Any more _improvisations_ I should be made aware of?'

The Doctor mulled it over for a moment as he reached up to pull himself out of the hole. 'Oh, in the shower there's a piece of chewing gum in the ceiling. Whatever you do, don't pull it off. The whole left side of the Tardis will just fall off.'

Ashley gaped at him as he climbed out of the hole and clapped his hands. 'Right then.' He grinned down at her. 'How about we have another go at that strange computer game you brought with you. The one with the fast moving blue hedgehog. I'll beat you this time, I know it.'

With that, he dodged off. Ashley glanced once more at the cola cap on the small pipe, and then carefully climbed out of the hole. She stood where she was for a moment, rubbing her arm. Suddenly she didn't want to move too quickly, just in case she knocked something and blew herself to pieces.


	2. The Time Lord Time Warp

**A/N: Now I KNOW this one is stupid. I think I posted it a while ago but I deleted it because it was messing up my neat and tidy account page. But now it's a mess so it doesn't matter lol! Anyway... enjoy x**

* * *

**The Time Lord Time Warp**

'That was amazing!' Ashley laughed as she stumbled back in through the doors of the Tardis, confetti still in her hair. The Doctor followed behind, a wide grin stretching his deceitfully youthful face.

'That's the Steipar race for you!' he beamed, brushing the glitter and confetti from his shoulders and hair. 'They'll have a party for anything. Did you know the reason behind that party?'

Grinning and peering into her gift bag, Ashley shook her head. 'What was the reason?'

'Someone found some money down the back of the sofa. Seriously, that lot will find any excuse for a party. I came here once and they threw a party because I was wearing my glasses. They loved it.'

'We have to come here again.' Ashley beamed, reaching into her bag. 'It's my favourite place. Next time, we're staying until it's over.'

'Oh we wouldn't be able to do that,' The Doctor shook his head. 'They're not like human parties. It doesn't end when the last person passes out or when it gets light again. These are _parties_. They go on for at least a month.'

'Month long parties?' Ashley cried, delighted. 'That's even more reason. And I feel like a kid! It's like a goody bag. It's full of sweets!'

The Doctor peered into his own bag. 'Yeah, about that… You should go easy on them. It's not the type of confectionary you're used to.'

Ashley's smile faltered. 'How's that?'

'Have you ever had a sugar rush?'

'Yeah.'

'Well imagine that, times a hundred. Their version of sugar is a lot more concentrated. It's more like a drug than a sweet.'

Ashley cocked an eyebrow. 'You mean those people give out bags of drugs to children.' She placed a hand on her hip and wrinkled half her nose.

'Well they're not really _drugs_, Ashley…'

'Disgusting.' She snorted, not hearing him. She dumped the bag on the control panel and crossed her arms over her chest. 'What an irresponsible bunch of… of nutters! I mean if it's not bad enough they drop everything to get out of it at every opportunity they neglect their youth! Disgusting.' She shook her head, frowning. 'Is there not some kind of universal NSPCC we could call?'

The Doctor as half smiling at her, amused. 'I don't think that will be necessary Ashley.'

Ashley shook her head. 'Well if they think I'm going to eat that stuff then they've got another thing coming.'

The Doctor sighed. 'It's safe! Really! It's practically sugar! Do you want me to prove it to you?' He reached into his own bag and pulled out a bar of chocolate. He unwrapped it, snapped a piece off, and popped it in his mouth. 'Harmless. See?'

Ashley looked at him dubiously. 'You're not even _human_. You're not exactly the best guinea pig in the world, are you?'

The Doctor rolled his eyes, chewing on the piece of chocolate. 'It's actually better for you than your kind of chocolate,' he explained. He swallowed and took another bite, a bigger one this time. 'You're chocolate is packed full of additives and… well, crap basically. Eat too much of it and your teeth drop out. And it gets sickly after a while, whereas this stuff is kind of softer so you don't get that horrible sticking to your mouth sensation which means you don't have to have a barrel of water on standby for when you've ate about three squares of chocolate and it's not fattening either so if you suddenly decide you _do_ want to eat ridiculous amounts, which you will because it's _gorgeous_ then it's not as if you'll wake up one morning with cankles or thighs like walruses-'

Ashley looked at him with her eyebrows drawn together. 'Uh… Doctor?'

He put the rest of the chocolate in his mouth and continued to ramble, picking up speed. 'Although there are some products that have the opposite effect on some races, you just have to lick it and next thing you know you're twice the size as you were originally and your clothes are ripping open like the Incredible Hulk. I met the guy they based the Hulk on and really he was a hell of a nice guy apart from when someone asked him for the time and then _rrrriip_! You're dodging buttons pinging around the room-'

Ashley moved forward tentatively and removed the wrapper from his hand. 'I think you've had enough chocolate…' she told him, watching him as he writhed his hands in front of him. His big eyes were darting around, seeming to look everywhere at once.

'Huh? Me? No. I'm fine. Are you hot? I'm feeling a bit hot.' He pulled at his collar and began to bounce a little. 'How about we go somewhere fun? We'll go for a run or something. Yeah, that sounds like fun. Or maybe we'll go back to that party for a bit, eh? Yeah, you like parties don't you Ashley? Everyone likes a good party.' He moved past her quickly back towards the doors. 'And this lot know how to party. You like the Time Warp, Ashley? I love that song. I know I shouldn't because it's so sickeningly ridiculous but I can't help it…' He jumped suddenly, taking Ashley by surprise. '_It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the riiiight! With you hands on your hips… you bring your knees in tiiiiight! But it's the pelvic trust that really drives you insaaaaaane… Let's do the Time Warp again!_'

Ashley watched him sing and do the dance in complete astonishment. For once in her life, she was completely speechless.

'What are you standing there gawking at me for?' The Doctor grinned, his right eye twitching as he danced from foot to foot. 'There's a party out there!'  
He ran out of the doors and immediately began singing again. He was greeted with equally excitable cheers. Ashley stared at the door, mouth hanging open. She glanced behind her at the bag on the control panel. She hesitated, and then shrugged.

'Well if you can't beat them…' she mumbled, and picked out a chocolate bar. She ripped off the wrapper and stuffed it all in her mouth. She chewed, swallowed, shuddered, and then ran out after the Doctor.


	3. Shameful

**A/N: Okay, this is just pure stupidity, and I apologise if anyone's eyes drop out at the sheer idiocy. This is based on a true story though. I walked in on my housemate watching this dirty, dirty show the other night. He's never going to live it down xD**

* * *

**Shameful**

The Doctor turned the volume down slightly on the TV and turned his head a little to the right. He could hear Ashley in her room, thumping about in those great big boots of hers. Actually, he loved her boots. The noise they made as she walked around let him to know when she was coming. He didn't think she had registered this fact yet though, she was always surprised when he greeted her before she even entered the room.

Also knowing where she was at all times was good for times like this, when he didn't want to be disturbed. He turned the volume down even more, so he could just hear the voices. The last thing he wanted was to be caught watching something like this. She would never let him live it down. He shifted in his seat and continued to watch the screen.

The sound of Ashley moving around stopped, and a few minutes passed. They had had quite a busy day, so he guessed she had just gone to bed. She did that most of the time. She just thumped off in her huge heavy boots, saying she was going to get a cup of tea and then half an hour later when he went to find her, she would be unconscious on her bed, still fully dressed. It made him wonder if she was secretly suffering from narcolepsy.

Satisfied that he wasn't going to be disturbed, the Doctor sank down in his seat and turned the volume back up a little. He used to do this with all his companions, and none of them had ever caught him. Well, Rose had almost caught him once, but luckily for him she had tripped on the power cord and pulled the plug out of the TV before she had even seen the screen. That had been a close one.

No, he was left to his own devices. Plus, Ashley respected his privacy – as he did hers. There would be no way she would just burst in unannounced-

'Doctor!' The door banged open on its hinges and Ashley flew across the room towards him. 'Doctor there's this massive spider in my room!'

The Doctor scrambled for the remote control, but he could remember where he had put it down. He had made the mistake of dropping his guard, oh why had he dropped his guard?

'Wait out there!' he cried, pointing to the door. 'I'm coming!'

Ashley stopped at his tone and narrowed one eye. 'What are you doing?' She glanced around, and her eyes fell on the TV screen. 'Oh my God!'

The Doctor hung his head, ashamed. 'I know, I know…' he mumbled.

Ashley looked at him in shock, and then looked at the TV. Then she looked at him again. 'Are you… are you watching _Oprah_?'

The Doctor flushed red and looked up at her in embarrassment. 'I like it, okay? I like the stories. And this is a good one too! There's a pregnant man!' He shrugged his shoulders. 'And I like the _Remember Your Spirit_ bit. It's… lifting. She's a very thoughtful woman.'

Ashley stared at him for a moment, and then a grin stretched across her face. She started chanting in a quiet, sing-song voice. 'The Doctor and Oprah, sitting in a tree…'

The Doctor frowned. 'Oh don't be so childish.'

Ashley grinned more and began to move her head from side to see. 'K-I-S-S-I-N-G…'

'Stop that!'

Ashley jumped on the sofa and began jumping up and down. 'First comes love, then comes marriage!'

The Doctor, now blushing furiously, batted at her with both hands. 'Stop it! You're going to bust the springs!'

'Then comes a baby alien in a floating carriage!'

The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. 'You're so immature.' He sulked. 'So what if I like watching Oprah?'

Ashley kneeled beside him on the sofa and grinned. 'If there's nothing wrong with it why did you look so horrified when I walked in the room?'

He shot her an annoyed look. 'I just… I don't…' He turned away again and sulked. 'There's nothing wrong with it.'

Ashley grinned at him for a moment longer and then hopped of the chair. 'Okay then. If you say so. Now about that big spider in my room.'

The Doctor looked at her, still frowning and expecting the taunting to continue. But her smile had relaxed and she was only looking at him expectantly. He stood up and sighed.

'Okay, okay. But you did take down a huge Arakreu. I don't see why a little spider would be so frightening for you.' He walked out into the corridor and turned to speak to her again, only to see the door of his room slam in his face. He stood there for a moment, and then banged on the door. 'Hey! Open the door!'

He could hear Ashley sifting through his video collection. 'Oh god this is gold!' she laughed. 'You've got every Oprah episode!'

'How would you like it if I went and raked through your room?' the Doctor yelled, cheeks burning. 'You wouldn't would you?'

'Oh my God, _Homeward Bound_? _Shiloh_!?'

The Doctor sighed heavily and thumped his head against the door. The next few days were going to be long and hard.


	4. Party Favours

**A/N: You know... I might actually bring myself to write something half-way serious. I don't know what is going on in my brain right now but... God I must be screwed up lol. Although I've finally come up with a general basis for Episode 8 after sitting with a pencil and a piece of paper aaaalll last night, and to be honest it's going to be quite dark. Nice change from light-hearted shapeshifters lol. Oh yeah and i almost forgot... apparently no links are allowed in here, but go and have a gander on my profile page and click on Have A Banana...**

**Shameless plugging. i have no shame lol!**

* * *

**Party Favours**

Since travelling with the Doctor, Ashley Chambers had witnessed a lot of terrifying things. She had seen hideous aliens, she had ran for her life, she had been unconscious for _two weeks_… but nothing compared to this. This was awful… it was horrendous… it was _torture_-

'If you're wondering, it's the smallest fork on the left.'

The Doctor's voice cut through her panicked thoughts and she glanced up to him. He was seated beside her in his black suit. For once his hair wasn't sticking up in all directions and he was smiling slightly at her. Ashley looked down at the ridiculous amount of knives and forks surrounding her pristine china plate and the fear struck her again.

'Why the hell do they need this many anyway?' she whispered, wide eyed. She reached up and scratched the back of her neck. 'And this stupid wig is making me itch.'

The Doctor eyed the blonde wig on her head that he had dug out of the wardrobe for her. 'I think you make a fabulous blonde. Do you really think this lot would let you sit at the table with bright red hair?'

Ashley cast a wary glance at her dinner companions. Well dressed, smart suits, the women literally _dripping_ with diamonds. 'I couldn't give a crap.' She muttered.

'Is there a problem, ma'am?'

Ashley glanced up sharply to the solemn faced man who slid his arm between her and the Doctor to fill up their glasses with wine. She managed a smile. 'No problem.'

'Yes we're fine thanks.' The Doctor grinned.

The butler nodded grimly and then moved down the table. Ashley glanced around again. There must have been about thirty people sitting around the long oak table, all of them smiling and chatting. She glanced back to the Doctor.

'So when the food gets here… it's that fork?' She pointed at the small fork and raised her eyebrows.

'Yes.' The Doctor nodded. 'Just relax, okay? You look like you're going to burst into tears.'

'That's because I am!' Ashley whispered back harshly. 'I've got absolutely no table manners _at all_. Even people in McDonalds look upon my eating habits in disgust.'

He just patted her knee under the table. 'You'll be fine.' He told her. 'Just copy everyone else and you'll be fine.'

Ashley nodded and took a breath. The glass of wine caught her eye and she reached for it. Before she could get hold of it though, the Doctor grabbed her hand. He shook his head and returned her hand back to her lap.

'Not yet.' He told her.

Ashley glanced around to see she had drawn a couple of curious looks, but she just smiled. They smiled back and resumed chatting. She moved to the Doctor again.

'Why did we have to come here?'

'I got an invite.' The Doctor replied. 'And it's rude to pass up on an invite.'

'Who invited you?' Ashley asked. She looked up the table to the vacant seat at the far end.

'You'll see. He'll be here any minute.' The Doctor grinned. She knew that grin. Something was coming that was going to shock her.

'I'm not in the mood for surprises.' She told him flatly.

'Oh you'll love this surprise.' He grinned in response.

Before she had a chance to say anything else on the subject, the sound of trooping feet became audible. Everyone stopped chatting and looked towards the head of the table, or rather at the huge wooden doors behind the vacant chair. The Doctor leaned so close that it tickled when he whispered in Ashley's ear.

'Whatever you do,' he told her. 'Don't act surprised.'

Ashley wanted to be annoyed with him, but the curiosity was overwhelming. Everyone was silent and watching the doors. The trooping footsteps were getting louder and louder, until the doors banged open and men marched in. Ashley watched in alarm as the men, who were dressed in black uniforms and decorated with various medals, filed around the room and took a place behind each chair. Ashley glanced around at the man who stood behind her, and then looked to the Doctor for an explanation. He only nodded back towards the doors. Tentatively, she returned her attention to the head of the table.

She completely forgot the Doctor's warning to not act surprised. Her jaw dropped open and she gaped at the… _thing_ on the trolley that was being wheeled in the room. Around her, the other dinner quests applauded politely – the Doctor among them. But Ashley couldn't move. She just stared.

The Doctor had told her nothing about where, or more importantly _when_ they were. He just gave her a dress and a wig and told her to change. By the style of clothing she had suspected that they were in the Victorian times, but he wouldn't clarify that either way. They had walked up a gravelled drive towards a huge mansion, mingled with well-dressed people, before coming to sit in the dining area. All the while she had thought they were in the 1900s. On Earth.

Obviously that wasn't the case, unless she had seriously missed something in her History lessons as school.

The grim faced butler who had poured their wine earlier lifted the large glass jar off the trolley and placed it on the chair, which had turned out to be a high chair instead of a regular one. A small amount of the water dribbled down the side of the glass and the creature inside twisted around to look at the butler.

'What what you're doin' will ya?' the fish hissed, bubbles escaping from its mouth as it spoke. It was round and fat, about the size of an overfed housecat, with shining purple scales, thick blue lips and huge black eyes. It flitted around inside the jar, looking around at its guests.

Ashley looked around at the Doctor with wide eyes. He only grinned back at her. She turned her attention back to the fish and watched.

'Welcome ladies and gentlemen and all those in between,' the fish announced to everyone in the room. 'And by all those in between I mean myself.'

Polite laughter rippled around the room.

'Yeah yeah, it wasn't that funny,' the fish said modestly. 'I'd like to thank you all for coming. It's not everyday that you can celebrate your fiftieth year as ruler of Boonarious. I remember when everyone said I wouldn't see past my fifth! Some people underestimate fish!'

Laughter again. Ashley couldn't bring herself to even fake laughter. She was still trying to register the talking fish at the far end of the table. She felt the tickle of the Doctor's voice in her ear again.

'That's Lipdis Herronvolk the tenth, current ruler of the Great Empire of Boonarious.' He told her. 'This is his fiftieth anniversary.'

Ashley turned and looked at him. 'He's a fish.' She whispered.

'Sshh.' The Doctor frowned, glancing around in case anyone heard. 'He makes jokes but he's still a little sensitive.'

Ashley eyed him for a moment, before looking back towards the talking fish. The butler was pouring wine into the jar. The fish swam around with its mouth open. Once it had finished, it returned its attention to its guests. 'Bring in the food!' it declared, raising its little fins.

Doors on both sides of the room opened simultaneously and almost identical looking people hurried in, carrying plates. Ashley watched as a plate was placed in front of her, and then she looked down at it and half frowned. It was a strange, brown, lumpy looking substance. She glanced to the Doctor, who had already picked his the smallest fork on the left. He nodded for her to do the same.

'What is it?' she whispered.

'Tradition is for the ruler to share a bit of himself with his dinner guests. Now this can be taken figuratively or literally. Past rulers have normally opted for the ruler-shaped-biscuits, but Lipdis has always been a bit more… intimate.'

Ashley narrowed her eyes. 'What do you mean?'

'These are fertilised fish spawn,' the Doctor told her. 'Don't worry. It tastes a bit like marzipan.'

Ashley's eyes widened and she looked down at the plate in front of her. Then she looked around to see everyone else eating. She looked to the Doctor desperately. 'Do I have to eat it?'

'If you don't eat it its classed as a major insult. It's like saying you don't approve as his position as ruler. Seriously, it tastes just like marzipan.'

'I don't like marzipan.'

The Doctor paused, and shrugged. 'Well, just hold your nose.'

Ashley looked down at her plate. She wetted her lips, and then got a small amount of the offending brown paste on her fork. She hesitated, took a breath, closed her eyes, and moved the fork to her mouth.


	5. Mortification is the Word

**A/N: Again I posted this one ages ago and deleted it for the same reason as the last one. I don't know why because I always quite liked this one :p**

* * *

**Mortification Is The Word**

All was silent apart from the hum of the Tardis. One would think the place was empty if it wasn't for the two people inside going to great lengths to avoid looking at one another. The Doctor wandered around the controls, pushing buttons and pulling levers, obviously only trying to make himself look busy to avoid having to divulge in conversation. Ashley Chambers was off to one side, flicking through an alien magazine even though she couldn't read the language. She was more than happy for him to continue avoiding her. Her cheeks were still flushed red from that… well… _incident_.

The Doctor cleared his throat and Ashley instinctively glanced up. He glanced briefly at her and half smiled, then quickly looked away to the control panel. Ashley cringed at the memory of what had happened on the planet Caisidorpa and buried her nose back in the magazine. Tonguing her back teeth, she tasted the bitter fruit that had made them both so embarrassed and shuddered.

It had all started innocently enough. The Doctor was rambling on in his usual, excitable way about going to play with a Frisbee in on a planet with low gravity, insisting that there was nothing better than hopping around trying to catch it. Agreeing that it sounded fun but stupid (and better than getting into some stupid life or death situation again), the Doctor set a course for the nearest low gravity planet. Halfway there, though, Ashley had decided that she was hungry, so they had stopped off on a near planet called Caisidorpa.

Ashley would be happy if she never saw that place again.

It was a beautiful place, with a constant peachy coloured sky and a naturally deep red ground beneath their feet. All the beings on the planet were tall and beautiful, all had glowing pink eyes and luxurious blonde hair. They gushed over the Doctor and Ashley, offering them food and allsorts.

'There's something about this place I was told about,' the Doctor had mused a loud. 'Something that we shouldn't touch… Oh what was it again?'

Ashley, somewhat naively, waved her hand at him and asked what could be so bad about this place? It looked like it had hopped straight off the front of a Hallmark card. A tall, beautiful woman took them to a stunning room decorated with peculiar red plants and sat them at a table. It was only big enough to accommodate two and the two travellers sat opposite each other, smiling in amusement at the place they had ended up on.

'It's like a fancy restaurant,' Ashley had commented, and then joked; 'Restaurant at the end of the universe.'

'Oh you don't want to go there,' The Doctor had grimaced. 'Very overrated. Full of tourists.'

So they were left in the room by the beautiful being. Ashley reminded the Doctor of how hungry she was, while he went back to wondering what it was that they shouldn't touch.

'I'm pretty sure it's this planet. There's something… Oh, what _is_ it? I've never been here you see. Someone told me about it. There's definitely something we shouldn't touch.'

'Stop worrying.' Ashley had laughed. 'Stop looking for dangers lurking around every corner. Can't this lot just be nice? They're giving us our dinner and for once,

we're not being shot at or chased. Chill out.'

The Doctor shrugged as the tall being returned. 'I suppose so.'

From this incident, Ashley had learned _never_ to tell the Doctor to stop being paranoid. If he was paranoid about something, there was a reason.

The tall, gorgeous being set down a silver dish packed with shiny red fruit and a matching ice bucket with a glass bottle containing pink liquid. She nodded, smiled knowingly, and then left. Ashley grabbed the fruit greedily and began to eat it ravenously. She had groaned in satisfaction.

'Oh this is so _good_,' she said through a mouthful of the soft fruit. 'You _have_ to try some.'

The Doctor was studying the fruit warily, his eyebrows knitted together. 'Something we shouldn't touch…' Then his eyebrows raised and he glanced to Ashley.

She had abruptly stopped eating, even though she had already got through a full piece. 'What?' she had asked, dread dripping from her voice.

'Um… I remembered what we're not supposed to touch.'

At that moment, Ashley had a hot flush. She shuddered and dropped the fruit. Immediately she thought of the worst. 'Am I poisoned?'

The Doctor had laughed nervously. 'Um… not quite. The uh… This planet is very lovey-dovey. Think of the sixties.'

Ashley had been bewildered, but her bewilderment was overshadowed by another shiver and an urge to reach out and grab the Doctor. 'I feel funny.' She had remarked, feeling her cheeks burning.

'That fruit is a very strong aphrodisiac,' he had told her, still with that cautious smile. 'Especially effective on… uh… humans.'

Suffice to say the next series of events were the reason why Ashley was skulking in the corner with her nose in the magazine. Ashley didn't know what came over her, but she spent the next ten minutes or so chasing the Doctor around the room. She couldn't help herself. He had just looked so… well…

Best not to think of it.

Glancing over to him now, she wondered how she could have chased him around like that. Fair enough he was fairly handsome, but he wasn't her type. He was too… skinny. And she certainly wouldn't have tried to pull his shirt off if it hadn't been for that fruit.

Eventually, thanks to the Doctor ingeniously tipping the bucket of ice water over her head, she cooled down. Another few minutes later and an embarrassed Doctor and his soaking companion made their excuses to the tall, beautiful beings and then returned to the Tardis.

Which left them where they were now.

Ashley pushed her damp hair from her face and shrank lower into her seat. The Doctor cleared his throat again.

'You still want to go uh… out with the Frisbee?' he asked, not looking at her.

Ashley felt a hot flush and shuddered. She shouldn't have picked that bit of fruit out of her teeth. She dropped the magazine abruptly and stood up. The Doctor looked at her cautiously.

'I think…' She paused and swallowed. 'I think I might just go and have a cold shower.'

She turned on her heels and marched away.


	6. Bad Morning

**A/N: I was re-reading over Black Conscious earlier and got to the bit where the Doctor takes Ashley to the cafe to see herself a week in the past and I decided to do this little one-shot as insight to where she had been. It was fun to write lol. I might do some more little Ashley one-shots... And some from the Doctor's POV too. I have to do a Doctor's POV to this lol**

* * *

**Bad Morning**

Ashley Chambers' head was throbbing. Actually, throbbing was too nice a word. It felt like there were a million little microscopic miners desperately pick-axing at the walls of her skull to get away from her poor excuse of a brain. She wanted nothing more than a handful of aspirin, one of those giant cups of coffee and her bed. Right now, those three things sounded like heaven. She would give her left arm for them.

It was her own stupid fault really. After finishing work the night before she had been talked into going to a party. She hadn't taken much convincing however as the man who was inviting her to said party happened to look very much like Johnny Depp in _Fear and Loathing_. Okay, maybe that wasn't Johnny Depp's _best_ look, but heck it was still Johnny Depp. So off she had skipped to a party full of strangers and beer that flowed like the Thames. After two hours of drinking her body weight in beer and shamelessly flirting with her Johnny Depp look-alike, she had the pleasure of meeting his boyfriend.

It was safe to say that her reaction hadn't been exactly… _polite_.

From that moment on everything was just one big blur. Ashley had woken up slumped by the backdoor, an empty bottle of wine in one hand and a strange girl asleep on her shoulder. She had a faint memory of discussing the many cons of men with this strange girl, and a brief conversation about how girls were better… but the pain in her head wouldn't allow her to remember any more. In all honestly, she didn't think she wanted to remember anymore. So she had stepped over various sleeping strangers, grabbed her coat and bag, and slipped outside.

She felt like a vampire. The sun was killing her. Her skin had a horrible, tingly hot feeling that she always got when she was hung over. And her stomach was growling at her, despite the huge kebab she vaguely remembered devouring at about three am. Maybe that was something to add to her list? Aspirin, coffee, huge greasy breakfast, then bed.

Sounded fantastic.

Ashley stopped at the bus stop, where there was one frail old man waiting, and reached in her bag for her purse. Upon opening it, she discovered that all she had was a single ten-pound note. She grimaced at it and wondered if the bus driver would have change of a ten. It was extremely unlikely. Only yesterday he didn't have change of a pound. She looked up to see her bus trundling towards her and cursed a little louder than she had intended. The old man looked at her in disgust and she tucked her purse back in her bag and ambled away to find somewhere to get some change.

As she strode across the road she wondered if she would be able to stomach a bacon sandwich from the café her and Manny usually went too when they were hung over. The thought of it made her stomach growl and churn at the same time. She tripped up the curb as she reached the other side of the road and glared at it as if it had tripped her up on purpose. Considering the morning she was having, it probably did. With a permanent, disgruntled scowl on her face, she reached back into her bag to get her purse. As she pulled it out however, she heard the familiar clatter of her phone hitting the pavement.

Fantastic. Just to top everything else off her phone was going to be bashed to hell. Scratched to bits too. It sounded like a bad fall, so to stop off her wonderful morning it was probably broken. She started to reach down, but a hand got her phone before she did.

Great! Now someone was going to nick her phone! She looked up sharply, all ready to yell and shout at the irritating little chav who was no doubt planning to half-inch her phone, but the beaming grin that greeted her stopped the annoyed cries escaping.

A man with stupid spiky hair was holding out her phone to her and grinning like he had just saved her pet kitten from a tree or something. What the hell did he want? A medal? Ashley snatched her phone from him, pet lip poking out and eyebrows drawn together. She decided to get away from this grinning loon before he tried to start talking to her or something, so she hurried past him without speaking and replaced her phone in her bag. Pulling out her purse she dodged into the newsagents and grabbed a can of Red Bull. Red Bull would make her feel better.

And maybe a nice big box of aspirin to go along with it.


	7. Dancing Queen

**A/N: If it wasn't obvious I like catching people out doing embarrassing things. I think everyone's been caught doing this. I know I have lol! And the song featured in this story was just made to be used in Doctor Who! xD This was just quick and stupid, so the writing isn't exactly brilliant but you get the hint :p**

* * *

**Dancing Queen**

The Doctor was slightly worried. It had been twenty minutes since he had sent Ashley into the depths of the Tardis to go and fetch a spanner from the storage cupboard. Usually he had no need for tools, but the sonic screwdriver had a problem with gripping things; i.e, it couldn't. He sat on the floor cross-legged, tapping his sonic screwdriver on his knee and casting brief impatient looks towards the door she had disappeared through.

'Attention span of a squirrel…' he muttered with a slight frown, not for the first time since meeting her. With an exasperated sigh he got to his feet, pushing the screwdriver in his pocket, and decided if you wanted something doing in this universe then it was probably best if you did it yourself. Asking a distractible, excitable and slightly bone-idle human to do it was just asking for disappointment.

As the Doctor walked down the winding interior corridors of the Tardis, he wondered if she had just gotten lost. It was possible, seeing as he himself had managed to get lost on plenty of occasions. He thought he should really put arrows up on the walls that point to the exit or something. Or maybe just a map in every new corridor, with one of those '_You are here_' stickers on it. Although it might take a few months to map out everything…

No, if she had gotten lost he probably would have heard her gob by now. She had a pair of lungs on her he'd give her that. That was only thing he had discovered on his frequent trips to Earth over the years – they just seemed to get louder and louder. And ruder. Though he couldn't really call anyone rude.

He heard a voice floating up the corridor towards him and he strained to listen. It was Ashley all right. Who was she talking to? On the phone maybe? Probably on the phone arguing with that housemate of hers again. Or she could even be talking to herself. She did that a lot.

Picking up the pace and preparing himself for an all out rant about her being responsible and helping out every now and then, the Doctor stormed down the corridor towards the sound of her voice. But the closer he drew, the more it sounded like singing. He frowned vaguely and slowed.

'…_shooting star leaping through the skies, like a tiger defying the laws of gravity…_'

A smirk crept up on the Doctor's face as her voice became clearer. He paused when he reached the door where her voice was coming from and listened.

'_I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva… I'm gonna go, go, go there's no stopping meeeee…_'

The Doctor pushed the door open gently and peered inside the room. His smirk turned into a grin, and then he laughed.

Ashleigh was in the middle of the room – apparently the room she had chosen as her own. Her stuff was only half unpacked and there was junk strewn everywhere. Clothes were piled up in front of her wardrobe and shoes lay all over the floor. The bed was a mess, which was understandable taking that Ashley was standing on it with her back to him, arms swinging around wildly, head moving from side to side making her vibrant hair fly all over. Her hips shot from left to right in time with her head. Over her ears was a pair of big black earphones and in her hand was a little pink iPod. A quiet _'tss tss' _was all the Doctor could hear of the music that Ashley was dancing so wildly too.

She hadn't seen him. The Doctor pushed the door open and leaned against the frame with his arms crossed, grin wide on his face.

'_Burning through the sky yeah…'_ Ashley sang, hips and arms everywhere. _'Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheeeeeit!_' She turned around, pointing fingers in the air, eyes closed. _'I'm travellin' at the speed of liiiiight! I wanna make a supersonic man out of-'_

Her eyes opened. Instead of singing the last word she let out a squeal instead. She lost balance and tumbled backwards, right off the bed. She fell out of sight, but the _thump_ that sounded proved that she hit the floor. The Doctor laughed. In fact, he doubled over laughing. His stomach began to hurt and his eyes were watering.

'_Don't you knock?_' Ashley shrieked, emerging from the other side of the bed very red faced. She tossed her headphones across the room in embarrassment. 'You don't just storm in people's rooms like that?'

The Doctor continued to laugh. 'I… I didn't…' He couldn't speak.

Ashley scowled and picked up something from the bedside table. She stormed towards the Doctor and shoved the spanner in his hand. 'I couldn't find the spanner in the cupboard so I came to get mine.'

The Doctor took it weakly, still giggling and wiping tears from his eyes. 'And you got a bit… distracted… I take it?'

Ashley frowned deeply and shoved him out the door. 'Knock in future you freak!' she yelled, and slammed the door.

The Doctor stood on the other side, still laughing. Once he had finally regained control of himself he headed back to the control room. Twice on the way back he had to stop and laugh again.


	8. Forever Running

**A/N: I've had the idea for this one floating around in my head since I finished 'Black Conscious', but I've never been able to write it properly. It's still not perfect, but I'm happy enough to post it lol. I'd like to think that this fits in right before 'Into the Deep' because I think it has a nice little contrast with the moody and angsty tone of that one. So bear that in mind when you read :P**

* * *

**Forever Running**

They were running for their lives, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Behind them the part serpent – part machine barrelled up the narrow corridor, wailing out in various chilling howls and mechanical grinding. It was advancing fast; its metal jaw stretched wide to reveal thick iron teeth that were still dripping with spittle. It's huge yellow eyes remained fixed on its prey. This was its first ever hunt, and it was enjoying it.

Despite the savage cyborg in pursuit, the Doctor and Ashley Chambers ran up the corridor, laughing loudly. To any passive observer, they would have looked completely insane. But maybe they were a little. Only twenty minutes ago they had broken into an animal testing laboratory to play 'meddling protestors' and released all the animals. What they hadn't counted on was the giant snake in the basement. But that wasn't a problem. In fact, they had kind of expected it. The Doctor had probably been counting on it.

'What are you doing?' the Doctor laughed, glancing back to see that Ashley had slowed down. She was almost doubled over laughing, struggling to keep up with him. 'Hurry up! It's going to eat you!'

Ashley let out a loud snort of laughter and forced herself to go faster. 'Your _face_!' she giggled, chest hitching and tears in her eyes. 'When that… came up the stairs… your _face_!'

'_My_ face?' the Doctor laughed, grabbing her arm and pulling her along quickly. Behind them the serpent smashed through some fire doors and continued to advance. 'You actually _whimpered_! I don't think I've ever actually heard anyone whimper before in my life!'

Ashley wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand, actually partially blinded by the tears of laughter. She knew that if she stopped the creature behind would devour her, causing her to come to an untimely and rather sticky end, but all she could see was the Doctor's face when he had seen the creature rising out of the darkness. His eyebrows and shot up and his mouth had formed a tiny little 'o'. It had just cracked her up. And when she started laughing, he started too.

They swung around the corner and the serpent smashed into the wall – obviously not having the sense to turn itself. That bought them another couple of precious seconds, but if they couldn't pull themselves together they were going to be snake bait very soon.

'I did not whimper!' Ashley sniggered. 'I just… surprised… It was a surprise.'

The Doctor grinned wildly at her. His hair was all over and his face was a little red. _And_ he was out of breath. He never seemed to get out of breath. 'You whimpered. Like a little puppy.'

This sent Ashley off in another fit of hysterics and she actually stopped and doubled over, pains shooting up her sides. She knew the serpent was currently dislodging itself from the wall and would be back to perusing them at any moment, but she couldn't stop.

'Come on!' the Doctor laughed, tugging on her arm. 'You're going to get us killed!'

'_Like a little puppy_!' Ashley howled with laughter, even though it wasn't really that funny. She finally managed to get herself to move and they continued running, hand in hand, laughing wildly.

They came to a flight of stairs and descended quickly. The serpent took the easy option and just crashed through the concrete and plaster, sending a shower of rubble over the two of them. They just laughed, even when the Doctor was almost crushed by a giant chuck of it. He only looked momentarily startled, which set Ashley off again.

They pressed on, travelling down a brand new corner. Ahead, beyond an open door, stood the salvation and safety of the Tardis. They headed for it, but took a moment to look over their shoulders. The serpent was wiggling through the narrow doorway, snapping its metal jaws and wailing inhumanly. It was stuck. Ashley pointed and let out one loud, 'Ha!'

'Don't taunt the giant snake cyborg.' The Doctor told her, slowing to a trot and fishing the Tardis key out of his pocket. 'It's tacky.'

Ashley grinned, wiping her smudged makeup from her cheeks. 'Not as tacky as your suit.'

The Doctor looked at her in surprise. 'What?' he cried, offended. 'I'll have you know that my suits were very expensive!'

'Expensive for a man with no money.' Ashley teased, eyes glinting with mischief.

'I'll leave you here to get eaten, missy,' the Doctor warned, taking his time in unlocking the door, despite the struggling serpent behind them. 'Don't think I won't.'

'Go ahead. I'd be fine. I'll make friends with the cyborg snake and we'll travel the world and free other cyborg snakes until we have our very own cyborg snake army, and we'll have a party with really big banana splits and not invite you.' She stuck her tongue out childishly.

The Doctor frowned. 'Right, that's it.' He grabbed her shoulders and pretended to push her back down the corridor towards the snapping jaws of the creature. Ashley cried out, battling with him to get back to the Tardis.

'Get off!' she cried, laughing wildly. 'I don't want to be snake food!'

The plaster and concrete on either side of the snake suddenly gave away and it lunged forward. Both of them jumped in surprise and bounded back to the Tardis. The Doctor fumbled with the key, while Ashley yelled at him to hurry. Finally, the door gave and the both of them fell in, landing in a frantic mess of tangled arms and legs. They looked around, saw the advancing gaping metal mouth, and both kicked the door shut at the same time.

The Tardis shook at the serpent slammed into it. Behind the doors, it cried out angrily. The Doctor and Ashley looked at each other, both breathing heavily, and then burst out laughing again. They lay on their backs, side-by-side, and laughed and laughed. The serpent continued to slam itself against the side of the Tardis, but they just laughed.

The running was the best part. When she ran with the Doctor, Ashley never felt more alive. She didn't know how she lived before she met him. She couldn't have been living – she had just been vacating a space on Earth. Her whole life had just been waiting for the moment the Doctor burst into her home, so he could show her the stars. And so she could run with him.

She hoped they would never stop.


	9. Piggy in the Middle

**A/N: I actually went to write a different story about clouds (lol) but I found this one half finished and decided to finish it off. It's weird because I can't remember writing it... hmm... Anywho, hope you enjoy it lol. **

* * *

**Piggy In The Middle**

'Give it back! Doctor, tell them!'

The Doctor only grinned, leaning against a nearby tree trunk with his hands pushed in his pockets. One of Ashley's hefty black boots flew past, closely pursued by a red faced Ashley. There was chittering and chattering coming from almost every direction.

'I don't know what you want me to do about it.' The Doctor smirked, enjoying what was taking place in front of him. 'They just like you.'

The boot flew past again and Ashley chased after it. 'Get the hell off my shoe you horrible little rodent!'

'Now, now Ashley,' the Doctor tried to keep a disappointed tone, but it was difficult not to laugh. 'Sticks and stones…'

'If I _had_ sticks and stones I'd have my bloody boot back!' Ashley yelled. She made a lunge for her boot but it flew past her shoulder instead.

The Doctor watched the group of eleven Ceesfuds run around Ashley's feet, tossing the boot back and forth and chattering wildly. They were small creatures; only two and a half feet high, with fluffy grey bodies, small pink muzzles and round brown eyes. It looked like they had small legs; to give the illusion of slowness, but their legs were actually their best asset. If you lifted the rolls of fur you would see strong spring like legs and had a backwards knee joint. Their top speed was something around a hundred and sixty miles per hour, which was the reason Ashley couldn't catch them.

Ashley herself was hobbling back and forth across the grass, growing increasingly tired and frustrated, with one boot on. Her other foot was only covered by a black sock with red hearts all over it, and the difference in footwear was only hindering her efforts further.

The Doctor grinned as she lunged for one of the Ceesfuds. As expected, it dodged away and she only ended on landing on her front. She lay there for a moment, seething.

'They think you're playing with them.' He told her, trying to stifle a giggle. 'If you ignore them they'll probably give you it back.'

Ashley turned and glared at him. 'If I ignore them they'll run off with it! Those boots cost me ninety quid!' She got back up and made another grab for one of the small fluffy animals. It chattered excitedly at her and ran through her legs. She cursed loudly, using a word that made the Doctor's eyebrows rise.

'Well.' He remarked incredulously.

She looked at him sulkily. 'I'm sorry.' She mumbled. She shot a bitter glance towards the creatures that dodged around her, taunting her and obviously wanting her to make another dive for them. She only looked at them grumpily.

The Doctor moved to her side and put an arm around her shoulders. 'I told you that you shouldn't have taken them off.'

She turned and glared at him. He took his arms back and held them up in surrender. She turned her attention back to the creatures. They bounced around, tossing the boot around to each other and watching her, waiting for her to join in again. Her lip curled briefly, and then she waved her hand.

'Sod it.' She muttered, turning and heading away grumpily. 'Keep the stupid boot you furry little…' She trailed off to a bitter, incomprehensible mutter.

The creatures chattered and stopped tossing the boot around. The Doctor arched his eyebrows at them, and then jogged after Ashley.

'It's a ten minute walk back to the TARDIS,' he reminded her. 'You can't walk with one shoe on.'

'Well I can't be bothered to fight with them anymore!' Ashley cried. 'Look at them!' She pointed back at them. They hopped around, watching them with too-cute faces. One of them jumped on the other and they rolled around, squeaking happily. She grimaced. 'It's sickening.'

The Doctor laughed. 'Hold on a minute.'

Ashley watched him as he turned and headed towards the group of creatures. He hunched down in front of them with his back to Ashley, and began to talk to them. All the creatures had stopped chattering and were watching him curiously. Ashley watched, frowning, and tried to hear what he was saying. Finally, much to her surprise, one of the creatures handed the boot over to him. He said something else, rose to his feet, and returned to her side with the boot in his hand. He handed it to her with a grin.

'There you go! Nothing to it!'

Ashley glared at him. His proud grin slowly faltered, and then he winced slightly. Ashley snatched the boot and hit him on the arm with it.

'Ow!' he cried. 'What was that for?'

'You stood watching me chasing those things around for_ half an hour_!' she yelled, balancing on one leg to pull her boot back on. 'You let me jump around all that time, when you could have easily gotten it back like that!' She clicked her fingers angrily, making him flinch.

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. 'Well I… I thought you were having fun…'

'_Fun!_ Did I seriously look like I was having _fun_? I was trying to kick them!'

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably. 'Well… I uh… I didn't… _Hey_!'

Ashley grabbed his coat suddenly and pushed her hand into his pocket. He tried to struggle with her, but she was too quick for him. She re-emerged with her intended target, and dodged away from him. He saw the glint of his sonic screwdriver in her hand and raised his hands to his head.

'No!' he cried. 'Don't!'

Ashley tossed the contraption towards the fuzzy creatures, who snatched it out of the air in an excited, chattering frenzy. Immediately they began tossing it around back and forth.

'Give it back!' the Doctor cried, running after them.

Ashley began heading away, smirking and waving her fingers to him. 'I'll see you back at the TARDIS!' she called cheerfully.

'Oi!' The Doctor yelled at the Ceesfuds angrily. 'Be careful with that!'

'If you ignore them they'll probably give you it back.' Ashley called to him. She smirked again and headed off, pushing her hands in her pockets and smiling broadly.


	10. Cloud Nine

**A/N: I was sitting out the back the other night and there was this massive fat cloud in the sky, and it looked like it was some kind of horrible fat slug. It didn't look like a normal cloud. So from this weird abomination of a cloud, this story was born lol. It's not that well written to be honest, I kind of rushed it because I've got a splitting headache, but meh. Enjoy x**

* * *

**Cloud Nine**

'I never imagined in a million years that I would find cloud watching so bloody awesome.' Ashley grinned, her hands behind her head as she lay on her back and the soft grass, staring up at the green tinged sky above. The Doctor lay beside her in a similar position, with a similar grin on his face.

'Well technically,' he replied. 'It's been a couple of million years.'

She shot him an irritated look. 'Don't ruin the moment by getting smart-arsey.'

He beamed back at her. His eyes were wide and bright, the way they always were when they landed in a new place. Full of life this man was. It was fascinating sometimes. She managed to tear her eyes away from him and looked back up at the sky.

'So what's all that about then?' she asked, pointing. 'They don't look like your regular clouds.'

The Doctor pushed himself up on his elbows and pointed across the landscape. 'Look around.' He told her.

Ashley sat up and looked around, but she had already noticed the lack of activity down here. The land was flat and relatively empty, save a few trees scattered around. The ground was covered in grass everywhere. There didn't seem to be any animals around. Ashley took it all in, and then turned to the Doctor shrugging.

He grinned at her, and pointed up. 'Now look up again.' He lay back down, returning his hands behind his head.

Ashley followed suit. Above her, a flock of birds swept overhead. At least, they looked like birds from down here. She doubted they were _her_ kind of birds with feathers and beaks. The clouds looked more like fat fluffy slugs than the regular wispy clouds back on earth. They moved across the sky slowly, but they rippled and throbbed as they did so – they didn't just float.

'Most of the life is in the sky,' Ashley pointed out. 'Instead of it being on the land.'

'Can't get much past you, can we?' the Doctor grinned teasingly. 'Yup that's right. Fantastic place this is. Probably one of the only places in the universe you can sit down and have a rest without being hassled or chased by someone or something. Although…' He paused, frowning. 'It can be a bit dangerous. If you get… _hit_… if you know what I mean.'

Ashley looked at him and laughed. 'You mean if something craps on you?'

'If you want to put it like that, yeah.' The Doctor wiped his nose. 'Seriously though. When it's dinner time, it's probably a good idea to leave. Gets a bit messy up there.'

'Feeding time?' Ashley asked, one eyebrow raised.

'Oh, here it is actually!' the Doctor announced. 'Touch earlier than usual…' He checked his watch. 'Or not. Is that really the time? Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?' He grinned broadly at Ashley. 'I love saying that.'

Ashley sat up as he got to his feet, brushing the grass from his coat. 'Where are you going?'

'Back to the TARDIS,' he replied. 'You don't think I'm going to sit here while all that's going on, do you?'

Ashley frowned and looked up. One of the clouds, which was slowly moving across the sky, was suddenly infected with a burst of speed and lunged towards a passing flock of birds. Ashley watched in bewilderment as the front end of the cloud split open and half the flock disappeared inside. Her mouth dropped open.

'Seriously, you'll want to come,' the Doctor told her, already pushing the key in the TARDIS door. 'It gets _really_ messy.'

Ashley scrambled to her feet. 'That cloud just ate the birds!' she cried. She looked up again to see other clouds following suit, opening up and engulfing whatever flew by. 'The _clouds_ are eating the _birds_.'

The Doctor looked at her serenely and nodded. 'I know. I'm not blind. Now come on.'

She stared up at the sky a moment longer, and then noticed something. It was a black dot at the base of one of the clouds. Ashley shielded her eyes and squinted at it. Then realised it was getting bigger. Her eyes widened. The Doctor appeared out of nowhere and yanked her aside, just as the steaming carcass landed in the spot Ashley had been standing moments earlier. It was basically nothing but bones, with some blackened flesh remaining.

Ashley screwed up her face, now clutching onto the Doctors arm. 'A _cloud_ did that?'

The Doctor sighed and pulled her to the TARDIS. 'For the millionth time, _yes_. Now come on before we have to spend the next four weeks picking animal parts out of our hair.'

Even inside, all Ashley could do was stand and gape at the Doctor. Her trance was only broken when the first couple of thuds rained on the top of the TARDIS. She looked up, mildly horrified. The Doctor only looked irritated.

'Oh fantastic,' he muttered. 'Now we're going to have to go somewhere and get her hosed down. I was hoping we'd get away before all this started…' He trailed off, circling the controls.

'The clouds are eating birds.' Ashley said for the third time.

The Doctor stopped and sighed, resting his hands on his waist. 'Is it _really_ that hard to believe? Really? We've seen _loads_ of weird things, and you're completely speechless over a few clouds.'

Ashley blinked at him. 'But… they're clouds. They're just _water_.'

The Doctor flicked a few switches. 'Yes, but the water is acidic. Hence the burned carcasses.'

Ashley frowned, trying to get her head around it. 'But how would they need to _eat_ things?'

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. 'I dunno.'

'What do you mean, you don't know?'

'What, can I just not know something for once?' the Doctor snapped back a lever, frowning. 'I can't know absolutely everything about anything you know. Although I'm pretty close.'

Ashley moved to the console and cocked her head. 'But… I don't…' She frowned and shook her head.

The Doctor half smiled. 'Tell you what, we'll go up for a closer look.' He pressed one button. Obviously it had been his intention all along to fly up into the sky. Ashley gripped onto the console as they flew upwards, and then came to a hovering halt amongst the mayhem in the sky.

'I have to hold her steady,' the Doctor told her, holding onto something on the controls. 'But go ahead and have a look out of the doors.'

Ashley grimaced at him and said nothing.

'Go on,' he insisted. 'I'm not hovering here all day you know.'

Ashley hesitated, looking at the door warily, and then headed over. She opened the door and peered out. 'Whoa…' she mumbled, peering down. They were miles up. The ground below looked like nothing more than a toy play mat. Birds swooped around the TARDIS, crowing and squawking wildly. She had been right in thinking they weren't like Earth birds. In fact, they looked more like winged monkeys, with smooth faces and four long limbs. They soared backwards and forwards, chattering and shrieking. They were all heading in the same direction – away from them. Ashley peered around the frame to see a huge grey form looming over the TARDIS. A crack appeared in the front of it, and then a gaping black hole appeared.

Ashley squealed, and snapped the door shut. Immediately afterwards, the TARDIS shook.

'We've been eaten by a cloud!' she cried, running to the Doctor. 'We're _in a cloud's tummy_!'

The Doctor struggled to regain control. 'Hang on, hang on…'

Ashley stared at him with wild eyes. 'It's eating us!' she wailed.

'Wait, wait, wait!' the Doctor hissed through his teeth, leaning around the console to pull another lever. The TARDIS rocked and jerked for a moment, and then suddenly levelled out. The Doctor breathed and wiped his head. 'There we are!'

Ashley stared at him. 'What do you mean, _there we are_? We've just been eaten!'

The Doctor looked at her in amusement. 'All I had to do was fly out, Ashley.' He told her, smirking. 'It's just a cloud.'

Ashley gaped at him. The Doctor laughed.

The TARDIS flew upwards, slipping easily out of the cloud membrane and up into the blackness of space. The cloud that they had just recently occupied, just moved on and engulfed another unlucky flock and creatures.


	11. Bad Loser

**A/N: I just sat down and started typing, and this was born lol. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Bad Loser**

'Okay, now this is it.' The Doctor said, his expression solemn and eyebrows slightly drawn together in concentration. 'Be all and end all if you will. If this goes wrong then that's it. Wipe-out. _Ka-blamo_.' He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

'For God's sake,' Ashley sighed, rolling her eyes. 'Just pick a bloody card will you?'

The Doctor opened his eyes again and looked at the deck in front of him. Ashley was already sitting opposite him, cross-legged on the floor of the console room like he was, already holding her two cards in her hand. He took another breath again and, letting it out again slowly, reached out and snatched a card from the top of the deck. He quickly put it with the other in his hand and looked at them anxiously. Then he grinned.

'Ha!' he cried, slapping the two cards down on the floor. 'Twenty!'

Ashley tilted her head, taking a moment to regard the cards in her hands, and then lay them down casually. 'Twenty one.'

The Doctor looked at the Queen of Hearts and the Ace of Spades in alarm. 'What?' he cried. 'But… No! You're cheating!'

Ashley chuckled and gathered all the cards to shuffle them. 'Nope. I'm just really, _really_ lucky.'

The Doctor frowned. 'You get twenty-one _ten_ times already! The probability of that is just-'

'Oh don't give me the probability malarkey.' Ashley laughed at him while she shuffled quickly and professionally. 'I knew a bloke who always used to say that and it never got him anywhere. Even if it's a million to one chance of me pulling the Ace of Spades out every single time there's still the chance that I will, so it's not impossible. Nothing is impossible.'

The Doctor watched her shuffle closely, his forehead creased up. 'You're shuffling weird.' He pointed out.

'What?' Ashley laughed. 'No I'm not!'

'You are!' he insisted. He reached forward and snatched the cards from her. 'I'll do it.'

Ashley raised her hands and shrugged. 'Okay, if it makes you feel better.'

The Doctor turned around away from her, making her laugh again and shuffled the cards. Once the deck was completely shuffled to his satisfaction, he turned around again and put it down.

'There,' he said, sounding slightly less annoyed. 'Again.'

'Can you just admit defeat?' Ashley asked, grinning. 'I'm beating you fifteen to five.'

The Doctor shook his head and pointed vigorously at the deck. 'Just pick!'

Ashley shrugged and picked two cards. She looked at them, but didn't allow her expression to give her away. The Doctor studied her reaction before picking up his own cards. He looked mildly disappointed, but then looked to Ashley.

'Put them down on three.' He told her.

Ashley chucked again. 'You really want to win, don't you?'

'Of course I do!' the Doctor replied sharply. 'I've played poker with the greats and won! I don't want to lose a game of twenty-one to a human who can't even shuffle properly!'

'Hey, I can shuffle better than you,' Ashley replied, pointing a finger. 'You never shuffle the bottom properly.'

The Doctor frowned at her and then looked at his cards again. 'One, two… three.'

Both of them laid their cards down. The Doctor frantically looked at her cards, but she didn't bother looking at his. She leaned back, looking at her nails.

'Wipe-out.' She grinned.

The Doctor looked at his seventeen and her twenty-one, and then let out a frustrated growl. 'You're cheating!' he accused.

'How could I be cheating? You shuffled and dealt!'

'I don't know! You're just… You've got cards hidden on you, haven't you?' He moved forward to her and checked the floor around her, and then pulled on her sleeves. Laughing, she pushed him away.

'My god you're such a sore loser! Admit it, you're just crap at Twenty-One!' She pushed herself to her feet. 'I'm off to get a drink.'

'You can't go!' the Doctor cried. 'We have to play again!'

'Admit defeat, Doctor.' Ashley told him as she headed towards the door. 'It's not attractive to be a bad loser.'

'One more game. All or nothing.'

'We're not playing for anything!'

'We're playing for dignity!' the Doctor insisted.

'You're not going to get that back in a hurry.' Ashley told him, pausing in the doorway. 'Now do you want a cup of tea or something or are you going to sulk?'

The Doctor gathered the cards together irritably and began to shuffle them again. Ashley smiled in amusement, and then left. The Doctor laid the deck back down and then picked up two cards from the top. He looked at them; a two of hearts and a three of clubs, and then tossed them away in disgust. Then he sat with his arms crossed and sulked.


	12. Drunk and Disorderly

**A/N: I think it's obvious by now that Ashley is a bit of a pisshead lol. **

* * *

**Drunk and Disorderly**

'Don't you call me ignorant you… you slimy piece of sushi! Just who the hell do you think you are anyway? I think the only ignorant person… no, sorry, _creature_ in this room is you sir. What are you, racist?'

The Doctor buried his face in one hand and groaned quietly while Ashley yelled at Lady Cethaline. She looked a mess with her fringe flopping over her eyes – which she kept sweeping away irritably – with the glass of Fental juice waving in her hand, the pink liquid slopping over the side and onto the smooth floor. She pointed drunkenly, obviously having difficulty focusing on the being that stood in front of her, and swayed slightly.

'And anyways,' she went on angrily. 'You should be _ashamed_! That's right, ashamed! You're sitting up here lording it while you have people chasing after you left right and centre and…' She paused to hiccup. 'And… And I'm sure there was something else but… But it's not important! The important thing is that _you're_ an ignorant pig! Actually, that's an insult to pigs!'

Lady Cethaline stood and regarded Ashley impassively, the gills on her neck opening and closing rhythmically. Her glassy green eyes showed no impatience, or anger. The fin on the top of her head flickered once or twice and the turquoise scales that made up her dress glittered in the lights. It was bad enough that Ashley had gotten drunk, which in a way was inevitable, as humans only had to smell Fental juice to become intoxicated, she had decided to pick a fight with the worst person possible. The Mayor.

The Doctor had warned her not to touch the Fental juice when they first arrived at Lady Cethaline's second anniversary as Mayor, and she had promised she wouldn't. Trusting her, the Doctor had left her alone, but that had obviously been a mistake. Ten minutes later and she had been on top of the bar and dancing to music that no one could possibly dance to. The Doctor had hauled her down and had been in the process of dragging her back to the TARDIS to lecture her about not only embarrassing him, but breaking a promise when Lady Cethaline had appeared to say hello. She had called Ashley an 'underdeveloped being' and that was about the time the trouble started.

'And you call _me_ underdeveloped!' Ashley continued, staggering to the right but managing to regain her balance and return to her original position. 'Humans came out of the water. Uh-huh, see I watch the Discovery Channel. At least I think humans did…' She paused to consider this. 'Either way, fish were at the bottom of the evolutionary scale thingy. Right at the bottom… riiiight down there…' She stooped dangerously to lower her hand to the floor. The Doctor caught her before she landed on her face. She righted herself and looked at him in bemusement. 'Where'd you come from?' She blinked at him, and then looked at the drink in her hand. 'Oooh…' she chirped, and then raised the glass to her lips.

The Doctor snatched it away with a nervous laugh. 'I think you've had quite enough.' He set it down on a tray that a passing waiter held and Ashley looked after it longingly. She tried to follow it, but the Doctor gripped onto her shoulders.

'Owww…' she whined, writhing to get out of his grip. 'You're nipping me! Really, what kind of a man nips? You big…' She hiccupped again. 'You big girl's blouse…

The Doctor smiled nervously at Lady Cethaline, who was still watching them both impassively. 'Really, I'm really… really sorry. She, um, she doesn't drink much.'

'Course I drink much!' Ashley scowled. 'You saying I cannne handle my drink?' She pointed a finger at him, and then her face softened. 'Aww I can't stay angry at you.' She turned to Lady Cethaline and scrunched up her nose. 'Isn't he cute? Look at that face.' She turned back to the Doctor and pinched his cheek. 'You're like a big ferret.' She spoke like she was talking to a baby, or a dog.

Embarrassed, the Doctor pushed her hand away and smiled once again at Lady Cethaline. He thought if he stopped smiling he would scream. 'She's lovely when she's sober, really.'

'He's a great fella, this one,' Ashley told Lady Cethaline, patting the Doctor too hard on his back. 'He is you know. Although, between you and me…' She glanced back and forth and then leaned forward, shielding her mouth and then whispered loudly. 'I think he might ride the other bus, if you know what I'm saying…'

'Right, well it was a lovely party, Lady Cethaline,' The Doctor said loudly, starting to pull Ashley away. 'Wonderful, as ever. And the starfish canapés, nice touch.'

'We're going?' Ashley pouted. 'Ah but I was just starting to enjoy myself!'

'I'll be sure to come back next year,' The Doctor called back to Lady Cethaline, who was watching them leave. 'I'll be looking forward to it.'

Lady Cethaline nodded. 'Of course Doctor,' she replied in a bubbly voice. 'I always appreciate your presence. Although next time could you leave your ape at home?'

Ashley whirled around and lunged back. 'What did you just call me, Flouder?' she roared.

The Doctor managed to keep a grip on her and pulled her back. Lady Cethaline barely moved, and continued to watch. 'See you next year.' He smiled, and then hauled Ashley away.

'You're lucky this time, Flipper!' Ashley yelled, drawing more bewildered looks from the surrounding crowd. 'Wait 'til he's not here! I'll turn you into fish fingers!' She turned around and allowed herself to be hastily led away. She caught sight of a jelly-fish like creature dressed in a black tux watching her pass. 'What are you starin' at jelly head?' she hissed. The jelly creature turned away and began chatting quietly to its companions.

The Doctor dragged Ashley out of the hall room. 'I don't believe you,' he muttered. 'Ten minutes. I leave you for ten minutes! You're lucky they didn't drag you outside and have you drowned.'

Ashley hiccupped. 'I'da like to seen 'em try…'

'Well you'll suffer tomorrow,' The Doctor predicted. 'You probably won't be able to look me in the eye. And that won't be out of embarrassment, it'll be because you're so hung over that you can't see.'

Ashley snorted, but then made a kind of choking sound. She grimaced and swallowed. The Doctor regarded her for a moment.

'What was that?' he asked with a frown.

She pointed at her face and shook her head. 'I just… I just sicked up a little in my mouth. I'm okay.'

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. 'When we get back to the TARDIS you're going straight to bed with a bucket.'

'But I'm hungry!' Ashley whined.

'You'll be sick!'

Ashley blinked at him, opened her mouth to speak, and then stopped. She frowned in puzzlement. 'Where are we going again?'

The Doctor sighed heavily and pulled her along. 'Humans,' he muttered. 'So difficult.'


	13. Hanging Around

**Hanging Around**

'You don't want to do that. Seriously.'

Ashley glanced down to the Doctor, who was thankfully still hanging relatively safely. Well… safely was perhaps the wrong word to use, taking that he was suspended upside down, hanging over what was potentially a 10,000 foot drop. The thick, slimy green vine was wrapped around his ankle and looked quite strong, but it was the tree it was attached too that was the weak part in the equation.

'Well if I don't pull you up you're going to fall!' Ashley frowned, her hands failing to keep a secure grip on the vine. 'And you're not exactly helping when you go all floppy like that.'

The Doctor bent his head to look up at her. 'The stuff on that vine is a defensive mucus.' He told her, sounding slightly apprehensive about his current predicament. 'You keep pulling on it and it'll just produce more and more until my foot slips right out of the loop.'

Ashley grimaced and let go of the vine gently. It was the mucus part that had convinced her to let go, not the rest. 'Then what the heck am I supposed to do?' she demanded. 'I can't reach you to pull you up! That little tree is going to uproot any minute and you're going to get smooshed on those rocks!'

'I'm quite aware what's going to happen if I fall, thank you very much.' The Doctor replied. 'And I think it's pretty obvious what you have to do.'

Ashley waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. 'Well what?' she almost screamed.

'Get a rope!' the Doctor yelled back. 'Do I have to think of _everything_?'

Ashley hopped to her feet and looked around frantically. She knew there was a large coil of rope in the TARDIS, she had found it only yesterday while having a good nosy around in the cupboards, but she wasn't in the TARDIS. In fact, she had no idea where the TARDIS was anymore. This jungle place was more confusing than the layout of B & Q. 'There's no rope around here!'

'Well improvise!' the Doctor cried. 'For crying out loud, Ashley! Remind me never to get stuck in a perilous situation with you again!'

Ashley looked around again, this time noticing a coil of vines just off to one side. She ran towards them and snatched the first one up. 'Got it!' she reported, but then felt the vine in her hands begin to move. She looked at it in bewilderment, and then saw the glittering eyes and red, flickering tongue. With a squeal she threw the snake on the ground and it slithered away into the long grass.

'What's going on?' the Doctor asked frantically from over the side of the cliff. 'What's all that screaming?'

'Snake!' Ashley reported, dusting her hands. 'It's okay, it's gone.' She kicked the pile where she had mistakenly picked up the snake, testing for more disguised creatures, and then picked up another vine. She ran back to the spot where the Doctor was hanging, pulling the vine behind her like a fireman's hose. She reached the end and peered over.

'I have a vine!' she informed him.

'Brilliant!' he shot back sarcastically. 'Now can you please get a move on?'

Ashley nodded and tossed the end of the vine down to him. 'Get hold of it and I'll pull you up.' She told him.

The Doctor looked wary. 'Can't you tie the other end to something?'

Ashley began to reply, but a low crunching sound caught her attention. She glanced behind her. The tree that the slimy vine was attached to was slowly starting to bend and creak. Ashley turned back quickly. 'Get hold of the frigging vine!' she roared.

The Doctor grabbed the vine just as the tree gave. He cried out in alarm as he was suddenly felt himself falling, but kept tight hold of the vine in his hands. Anticipating the sudden weight on the vine, Ashley braced herself, but she wasn't quite strong enough. Her shoulders jerked in their sockets and thankfully, instead of toppling right over the edge after him, she overbalanced and fell on her front. She skidded in the dry dirt for a moment and finally came to a stop, lying on her stomach on with her arms and head sticking over the edge of the cliff. The dust around her settled and she peered down.

'Doctor?' she called, between coughing and spluttering. 'Are you okay?'

She still couldn't see anything through the dust for a moment, but then she saw the dangling shape of the Doctor and heard him bark, 'Oh, peachy!'

She sighed in relief and kept a tight hold on the vine as the Doctor climbed back up. Finally he rolled over the side of the cliff and lay on his back, breathing heavily and staring up at the clear blue sky above them. Also breathing rapidly, Ashley sat up and looked at him.

'From now on, you make sure you keep your shoelaces tied,' she breathed. 'I am _not_ going through that again.'

The Doctor nodded, and then held out a hand for her to help him up. She did so weakly, and then they put their arms around each other and ambled back into the jungle, and back towards the TARDIS.


	14. Weekend Gardener

**A/N: The idea for this one came from Gracie O'Malley and that weird talk about plungers - which I can only vaguely remember now. I could have done it better but... I'm having a lazy day lol.**

**Oh, and I've got another profile which I'm going to use for more canon-related DW stories, so have a look at my profile for the link to it. Or just look out for stories by The Tin Dog's Bollocks :P

* * *

  
**

**Weekend Gardener**

'Wow. This is just… wow.' Ashley stared up at the brilliantly coloured foliage all around her, unable to find words to describe what she was looking at. The Doctor stood beside her, grin massive as usual and hands pushed deep into his pockets of his blue pinstripe suit.

'Fantastic, isn't it?' he agreed.

Ashley reached out and brushed her fingers over the petals of a huge, bell shaped flower that hung down from thick green vines like the cage in _Mouse Trap_. It seemed to recoil under her touch and she snatched her fingers back in alarm.

'Did that flower just move?' she cried.

'They respond to touch,' the Doctor told her. 'You don't want to start prodding at it or anything because… well…' He paused and looked away. 'Oooh look at that!'

Ashley watched him in bemusement as he headed off down the narrow dirt path that was surrounded by exotic plants and flowers on either side. She glanced once more at the bell shaped plant before jogging after the Doctor.

'What would happen if I prodded at it?' she asked, curiosity rising.

'Well…' the Doctor shrugged. 'Underneath those petals there are hundreds and hundreds of tiny little needles that, well they just look like hairs to be honest. If it's threatened the petals peel back and then the needles are fired out. Each needle contains a trace amount of tetrahydrocannabinol-'

'Wait, isn't that like… cannabis?'

The Doctor shot her an inquisitive look. 'How would you know that?'

Ashley glanced away. 'I uh… we did a lot about drugs at school.'

He nodded, taking an extra moment to watch her thoughtfully, before continuing. 'Anyway, yes. If you're lucky and you only get hit by one of the needles, you won't feel a thing. A dozen or so and you'll feel a bit… well, you'll get the sudden urge for anything with chocolate on. About a hundred of them, which is what people usually get hit with, and they go down on the floor blabbering about Squirrel Nutkin or something. And then… well…'

'What?'

The Doctor coughed and spoke at the same time. 'Then it eats them.'

Ashley's eyes widened. 'What?'

'It eats them,' the Doctor shrugged. 'It's relatively painless, you know. I think it's a um, five day digestion period…'

'Five _days_?!'

'Well you have enough THC in your system to not really care for about three days so really it's only about two…'

'And you let me _touch_ it?'

'Well yes. It's quite harmless unless you start poking at it and trying to pluck its petals. And plus, I think it had just eaten.'

Ashley had gone quite pale. 'Plants don't eat people.' She said, shaking her head.

'Not your plants.' The Doctor nodded. 'Or at least not in your time. A few million years and the _dionaea muscipula_ won't be called a _fly_trap anymore.'

Ashley gaped at him, and then looked around warily. 'I don't think I like plants anymore…'

'Nonsense.' The Doctor waved a dismissive hand. 'They're wonderful. I love this place. It's the only place in the universe that has every single living plant all under one… well, a few roofs. You couldn't possibly fit them all under one. And this part, the carnivorous house-'

'_What_?' Ashley stopped and stared at him. 'Please don't tell me that this room is actually _called_ the carnivorous house.'

The Doctor looked confused. 'What about it?'

'Do you even know what carnivorous means?'

'Of course I do. Do you?'

'I… yes! It means we'll end up getting eaten!'

The Doctor snorted in amusement. 'Right. Yes, of course we will.' He began walking again, hands in his pockets and admiring the plants as he passed.

Ashley hesitated, and hurried after him. 'Some of these plants are the size of elephants! They could totally eat us if they wanted.'

The Doctor stopped. 'Oooh look! A Cephalotus! It's been years since I've seen one of these!' He reached out and prodded a bright red bud that was sprouting from a purple stem.

Ashley flinched. 'Don't prod it.' She insisted.

'Why not?' the Doctor smiled, prodding it again. 'It's harmless.'

'Stop it! It might…'

'What, eat us?' the Doctor chuckled and prodded the bud again. 'It's tiny, it's hardly grown big enough to-'

There was a rustle of foliage above, and then something shot down out of the leafy canopy above, landing on the Doctor's head with a wet sounding sucking noise. The Doctor cried out in alarm, hands going up to the strange thing that now had half of his head covered, leaving only his mouth exposed.

'Argh!' he cried. 'Get it off!'

Ashley stood where she was, completely stunned by the strange plant that was currently secreting a strange clear substance all over him. It was dome-shaped, and looked extraordinarily like a plunger – even with the dark stem that rose of the dark red dome. When she realised it didn't seem to be doing anything more than preventing him from seeing and getting him a bit sticky, she began to laugh.

'Ashley!' the Doctor cried. 'Ash- Are you laughing?! Stop that right now and get it off me!'

Ashley giggled as she approached, and reached up to the plant. She pulled on the edges of it, but it only seemed to grip harder.

'Ow! By dose!' the Doctor wailed as his nose was squashed by the strange petals.

Ashley giggled louder. 'It's stuck!'

'Well get it unstuck!'

Ashley grimaced as she put her hands on either side of the Doctor's face, which was now thick with the clear substance, and slowly slid her hands between his face and the inside of the plant. It felt horrible and soft – and also weirdly warm. She fought back a retch as her fingers felt through the awful environment.

'Ow!' the Doctor cried. 'Watch my ears!'

Ashley muttered an apology and, when she was up to her elbows and her hands we hooked over the top of the Doctor's head, she pushed her arms out. The plant resisted, but eventually began to give. The Doctor pulled his head out of the hole and stumbled off to the side, while Ashley quickly rescued her hands and moved back. The plunger-plant made a couple of strange, squishy noises, and then slowly returned back into the canopy above, disappearing through the leaves. Ashley turned to the Doctor, shaking the gunk off her hands.

His whole head was thick with the sticky substance that seemed to stretch like stringy cheese as he tried to wipe it from his face. His hair was sticking straight up, making him look like he had been struck by lightening before falling into a swamp. He flicked his hands, sending the gunk splattering to the floor. He straightened up and flattened his suit down, obviously trying to regain some of his dignity.

'I think it's time to go.' He said, and began to head away.

Smirking, Ashley followed him. 'So, you still love plants?'

'Not anymore.' He replied, matter-of-factly, and strode away, back towards the TARDIS.


	15. Eating Out

**A/N: This came to me yesterday while I was sitting stuffing my face with noodles at our local Oriental Buffet place lol. Strangely enough, the thought of it didn't put me off my noodles... They were well nice :D

* * *

**

**Eating Out**

'Right! Who's hungry?'

Sometimes Ashley had to stop herself from looking around to make sure it was still just herself and the Doctor travelling in the TARDIS because of the way he announced things like he was leading a group of fifty, not just a single person. She hopped out of the deceptive spaceship and glanced around.

'Where are we?' she asked, watching a wheel-less car soar about twenty feet above her head. 'I'm going to take a leap and say… future?'

'Yup.' The Doctor replied proudly. 'The year five billion. There abouts.' He paused. 'I think. Maybe we should pick up a newspaper.' He began to stride away, looking around happily. 'Are you coming then? I don't know about you but I'm starving.'

Ashley followed him while watching a strange, hook nosed woman walking what looked like a cat-sized hippo on a diamond-studded leash. She grinned happily, falling into step beside the Doctor and slipping her arm through his.

'So this is Earth?' she asked happily. 'Future Earth?'

The Doctor nodded, pleased with her reaction. 'Yup. Well, it's not Earth-earth. Your Earth is long gone. This is new Earth. This Earth is in the M87 galaxy, located in the Virgo Cluster of the Virgo constellation, which was first discovered by a lovely French bloke called Charles Messier in the 1700s. Well, he found it with my help. Never got a thanks for that.'

'What happened to the other one?' Ashley asked.

'The sun expanded. I was there actually. Bloomin' weird day that was.'

'The sun _expanded_? Does that mean everyone… died?'

The Doctor clicked his tongue. 'Ooh, you're so morbid, aren't you? No, everyone had already been shipped off here.' He sighed slightly, obviously marking an end to that conversation, and suddenly grinned broadly. 'Ah! Here we are! I was terrified I would have to stop and ask for directions for a minute there…'

He pointed to a large glass building ahead of them that looked like it should have been some extravagant shopping mall, but through the windows Ashley could see people sitting around at tables.

'Wow.' She nodded in approval. 'That's a bloody big restaurant.'

'Correction; that's a bloody big buffet. All you can eat, for the reasonable price of seven credits each. Best place for something to eat if you ask me. Make an absolutely smashing toad in the hole. That's if you like toads, which some people don't. It's an acquired taste I suppose.' He pulled her forward. 'Come on then!'

The pair of them headed towards the building, slipping through large, sterile looking glass doors. Ashley was too busy looking back outside at the various flying cars to notice the waiter that approached them.

'Table for two?' a polite voice asked.

'Yes please,' the Doctor replied. 'A window seat if there's one available, thanks.'

Ashley looked around and her eyes fell upon the waiter. Her jaw dropped. The waiter smiled, his whiskers lifting slightly. One of his triangular ears twitched and he nodded behind him.

'This way, please.' The feline waiter said, and led them across the smooth floor. Ashley was astonished to see a grey tail poking out of the back of his smart black trousers. She leaned towards the Doctor.

'Doctor,' she whispered. 'He's a-'

'Yes, yes,' the Doctor sighed. 'He's a cat. Catkind to be exact. And don't stare, it's very rude.'

Ashley diverted her eyes, but she only found more Catkind to stare at in the form of a family. There was a male, with ginger tabby stripes and glittering green eyes, and a female who looked like a Siamese, with grey eyes and dressed in a light pink summer dress. Around the table were about fifteen kittens, all mewing and fumbling with knives and forks. Ashley gawped at them as they passed.

Finally they reached their seat, which was by a huge window that looked out across a beautiful lake that sparkled in the sun. Cars soared over it in every direction. Ashley would have been able to appreciate it much more if a cat wasn't telling her that the salad bar was located behind the Groolag dishes. With a smile and a nod, the waiter left to get their drinks.

'That can't be hygienic.' Ashley whispered, eyeing the feline family. 'There'll be hairs in everything.'

'Sshh!' the Doctor hissed. 'Don't say that. It's racist.'

Ashley looked at him in astonishment. 'Excuse me? I'm not racist.'

The Doctor took off his coat and draped it over the back of his chair. 'Come on then. I'm quite sure my stomach is going to try and digest itself if we don't get a move on.'

Ashley hesitated, before slipping off her own jacket and following him to the buffet that was practically the same as any other buffet she had been to, only about ten times bigger. There were dozens and dozens of trays containing various foods – some of them recognisable and some just downright strange. As expected, the Doctor scampered off with his plate and returned with, what looked like, bananas and custard. Ashley wasn't so quick to hurry off.

'Uh… Doctor?' she asked, peering warily into a deep silver dish. 'Is this… um, moving?'

The Doctor joined her side. 'Oooh, dyrote noodles! Don't worry, they're not alive or anything. They're just like noodles, really. They're flash heated and the energy left in them gives them the illusion of throbbing. I completely recommend them. Taste a bit like almonds.'

Ashley hesitated. 'I don't know… they look a little, well…'

'Oh come on, be adventurous.' He nudged her. 'When's the next time you'll have the chance to try something like that?'

'Probably the next time you decide you're hungry and take me somewhere new and fancy.' Ashley replied, and then cocked an eyebrow at his plate. 'And you're telling _me_ to be adventurous with bananas and custard?'

The Doctor frowned slightly. 'It's a starter. I'll get something else later.'

Ashley looked back to the tray and considered it for a moment, and then she sighed. 'Okay, I suppose it can't hurt to try.' She used the tongs to put a small pile of the strange moving noodles onto her plate. 'I'll come back for more if these don't make me puke.'

They headed back to their seats and within seconds the Doctor had devoured half of his plate. Ashley was still prodding unsurely at the moving noodles. He watched her for a moment.

'Go on,' he urged with a full mouth. 'Just try it.'

Ashley grimaced slightly, and then curled one noodle around her fork. It pulsed quickly as she raised it. 'I don't know…' she mumbled again.

'Oh, just get it down your neck already.' The Doctor told her impatiently. 'It's all you can eat you know, we have to get our money's worth.'

Ashley took another moment, and then put the fork in her mouth. At first there was a peculiar sensation of movement on her tongue, more like a _slithering_ than a pulsing – but she put it down to imagination. She chewed twice, and then swallowed. The Doctor watched her, small smirk on his face.

'Well?' he asked.

Ashley raised her eyebrows and made a surprised sound. 'Actually…' she said. 'They're all right. Don't taste like almonds though.' She got a larger forkful this time. 'More like… I don't know it's strange.' She put more in her mouth and looked thoughtful as she chewed. 'More like… garlicy. But not really garlicy.'

The Doctor's smile faded slightly. 'Garlic, you say?'

Ashley nodded, thoroughly enjoying her meal now. 'Mmm hmm.' She replied through a full mouth. 'And a bit… salty. But it's nice. Weird…'

The Doctor squinted slightly. 'Can you remember what they were called?'

'Ah, good choice, ma'am.' It was the waiter-cat, returned with a bottle of water. He professionally poured water into their glasses with one stripy paw. 'It's not very often people choose the Klipton special. They're put off by the movement you see.'

Ashley nodded. 'I was, nearly. But the Doctor told me to try them.'

Now, the Doctor was half wincing and sitting back in his seat. 'Klipton, you say?' he asked the cat-waiter.

The waiter nodded. 'Yes. We get a fresh batch shipped in every day.'

The Doctor glanced at the plate. 'They're not, um… dyrote noodles?'

The waiter chuckled. 'No, sir.'

Ashley had stopped eating, one of the 'noodles' hanging out of her mouth and moving gently from side to side. She was staring at the Doctor, almost knowing what was coming. The waiter left them, oblivious to the mistake.

'Well, I um…' The Doctor cleared his throat and shuffled in his chair. 'They're very similar in appearance. I wasn't completely…'

Ashley swallowed what was in her mouth slowly. 'Doctor.' She said, warily. 'What are Klipton?'

The Doctor winced again, and rubbed the back of his neck. 'Well they're… They're normally dug up in… I _think_ it's France. New France, of course. They find them in the uh… farm fields. Mostly around cows, sometimes around horses.'

Ashley had begun to pale slightly as she looked down and saw one 'noodle' making its way off the side of her plate.

'They normally mature in the cows intestinal tract.'

Ashley's stomach made a sudden vicious churn and she put a hand to her mouth. 'Are they_ alive_?' she squeaked.

'Well… yes. They're worms.'

Colour flooded back into Ashley's cheeks, but it wasn't a natural colour, more of a grey-green colour. Her stomach churned again and she stood up quickly, her chair clattering to the floor. She ran off, bumping into the cat-waiter who watched after her in bewilderment as she staggered across to a plant against the back wall and proceeded to throw up in the plant pot. The cat-waiter who had served them and two others ran over.

The Doctor watched and sighed, then looked to her half-empty plate of squirming worms. He plucked up the one that was making a bid for freedom and put it in his mouth, sucking it up like spaghetti. He chewed it, nodded appreciatively, and finished his bananas and custard.


	16. Conversations With Dead People Outside

**A/N: This one is very random, and I think it's the first one I've done that's just set in the middle of something crazy... If it isn't obvious I've been doing zombie-related things (lol zombie related things sounds weird - been covering myself in tomato sauce and wandering around going 'braaaaiinnsss' xD) I've sat today and read ALL The Walking Dead comics, up to #54. Frigging epic - very gory, very intense, but very bloody brilliant. Totally recommend to everyone. Enough rambling though...

* * *

**

**Conversations With Dead People... Outside**

Ashley watched the barricaded door warily and listened to the groans and moans that sounded from the other side. Something scraped slowly down the wood. Something else thumped softly in a monotonously repetitive rhythm. The only other sounds was the quiet whimpering of the young McNeal boy who had just been reunited with his mother and the sound of the Doctor fussing with something in the corner.

It was hard to believe that they had just been chased across a deserted village by perhaps two dozen people who had limbs and chunks of skin missing. Some of which could not _possibly_ have been alive, but… well they were still there. Thumping against the door and groaning. God that _groaning_.

'Um, Doctor?' Ashley said, frowning thoughtfully.

'If you're going to ask me if they're zombies again, Ashley, I think I might knock myself out.' The Doctor replied in exasperation. 'Can you _please_ just let me get on here? Thanks.'

'What're… _zombies_?' the small McNeal boy asked with a sniffle. He was young, no older than six, with shaggy auburn hair and bright green eyes. Ashley had looked upon him and thought of the Irish stereotype, which was to be expected taking they were currently in Ireland. The year 1850, but still Ireland.

'Oh, don't worry yourself about it, son.' The Doctor told him. 'You just be glad you don't have to sit through all those _'of the Dead'_ films. The first one, fair enough, great. But… c'mon _Diary of the Dead_? Since when do they keep diaries?'

'Um, it was actually about a bunch of people shooting them on camera.' Ashley told him.

The Doctor waved a dismissive hand. 'Oh whatever.' He replied. 'Anyway, son, you just sit there with your mum and I'll have us out of here in a jiffy.'

'You keep saying that,' the boy's mother scowled. Her name was Orla, and she was about twenty-three or so, with luxurious blonde curls and piercing green eyes. 'But you've done nothing but shine that..._ thing_ at that padlock since we got in here.'

The Doctor glanced to her. 'Oh this isn't a _thing_. Should pop open any minute now. It's just a bit rusted, that's all.' He returned his attentions to the locked trapdoor. 'Yup, any minute now.'

Ashley turned to him, resting a hand on her hip. 'So… let me get this straight. There _are_ such things as zombies?'

The Doctor sighed. 'They're not _zombies_. At least… well, I suppose they are in your definition of things but, well, that's not their official name. And I'm quite sure if they could still understand what you were saying they wouldn't approve of it either.'

'But they are dead people,' Ashley pushed. 'They're the walking dead. The dead is up and mooching around 18th Century Ireland. Why didn't I read about this in any of the history books?'

'It's an alien virus,' the Doctor replied. 'They're not exactly going to allow an alien virus to make it into the history books, are they?'

Ashley frowned. 'Well, no… but-'

'And they just turn things like this into fairystories anyway, so no one will ever believe that it could actually happen. I mean, where did you think the idea of zombies came from in the first place?'

'Well, zombies originated from voodoo-' Ashley began.

The Doctor cut her off with a snort. 'Yeah right. They've been around a lot longer than that.'

Ashley thought about it for a moment. The groaning on the other side of the door wasn't getting to her anymore, but it was obviously getting to Orla and her son. 'So, if zombies are real… does that mean other stuff is real? Like vampires? And werewolves?'

'Oh yes. Well, like I said before that's not their _official_ names, but it's pretty much the same package. Queen Victoria was a werewolf.'

'Sod off,' Ashley laughed. 'That was just a story.'

The Doctor looked at her. 'No. I met her. She is. Or was. Or will be… Oh I get confused, what year are we in again?'

Ashley shook her head to disrupt the confusing thoughts. 'Okay then, fair enough. Maybe she was but… Does that mean that there's the risk of this kind of stuff kicking off in _my_ time? Like, could the dead just suddenly rise and we'll all be running around and living in forts and stuff?'

The Doctor regarded her for a moment. 'You really watch _far_ too many movies.'

'You didn't answer my question though.'

'Well…' the Doctor returned his attention to the trapdoor and shrugged. 'It's not _impossible_, I suppose… but it's _unlikely_.'

'So it could happen.' Ashley's eyes were wide. 'Whoa…'

'Unlikely,' the Doctor insisted. 'Just because it's already happened a… couple of times before doesn't mean…'

'A _couple_? How many times are a couple of times?' Ashley cried.

The Doctor cleared his throat. 'Oh not that many. Maybe about… twenty?'

'_Twenty_!?'

'Since the dawn of man! Blimey, it's not that many! That's about one a century!' The padlock suddenly snapped open and the Doctor beamed happily. 'Ah-hah! I told you it wouldn't take long!' He pulled the padlock off and flipped open the lid.

Almost immediately, two rotted, slimy hands shot up from the darkness and grabbed the lapels of his coat. He yelled out in alarm, batted away the groaning creature, and slammed the trapdoor back down. He looked around at the others, who were staring at him in astonishment.

'Well…' he breathed. 'I didn't see that coming.'

Orla clutched her son to her chest, cheeks high with colour. 'What are we going to do now?' she cried. 'They've got us surrounded!'

The Doctor sat down cross legged on the trapdoor. Beneath it the creature scraped on the wood. He rubbed his chin. 'Well… the virus normally runs out after about twenty four hours. The original ones will probably drop down, giving us a much better chance of escape.' He glanced at his watch. 'Anyone mind holding up here for about… six hours?'

'Are we safe?' the young boy whimpered.

'Oh, perfectly.' The Doctor replied. 'This place looks very…' He looked around at the damp wood walls and searched for a word. 'Damp. But, it'll be fine. It'll hold up. We'll be fine, I promise. Trust me.'

Ashley sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. 'Sit in here for six hours? What makes you sure we'll be okay after six hours?'

The Doctor shrugged. 'I'm always sure.'

'Right.' Ashley frowned, sitting down on the floor. 'Course you are.'

They all sat around in silence for a few moments, listening to the groanings and the scrapings on the doors and floor. The Doctor tapped his sonic screwdriver on his knee.

'So…' Ashley said, breaking the long pause. 'Are there such things as unicorns too?'

The Doctor stood up quickly. 'You know, I'm pretty sure we can make it past this one into the tunnels.' He turned to the trapdoor and slipped his fingers through the ring. 'Ashley, get that pitchfork, and on three you're going to whack this bloke in the head, okay? Nice and hard.'

Ashley frowned slightly, and went and got the pitchfork. She joined his side. 'With the pointy end?'

'Yes, with the pointy end,' the Doctor replied. 'Okay, on three. One. Two.'

Ashley readied herself with the pitchfork.

'Three!'

The Doctor threw open the trapdoor and the zombie began to grope for him, groaning out of a slack jawed, rotting mouth. Ashley swung the pitchfork forward with all her might until it hit the target.


	17. Not Made of Money

**Not Made of Money**

'So um… what did you do to it?' Ashley turned her small, slightly out of date mobile phone in her hand. It felt a little heavier than usual, which was slightly bewildering.

'Updated it,' the Doctor replied, slipping the sonic screwdriver in his pocket. 'Stuck on a Universal Roamer.'

'What does that do when it's at home then?'

The Doctor blinked at her for a moment, confused by the question, but answered anyway. 'It means that we can be anywhere in the universe – any time – and you can call whoever you want. You could call your housemate, although I don't see why you would want to.'

Ashley stared at him for a long moment, just long enough to make him uncomfortable. She looked at the phone again and pressed a button to light up the screen. 'But… so…' She paused and frowned. 'Hang on a minute-'

The Doctor sighed. 'Look, try it out. Give someone a call. Anyone. Well, it would have to be someone you had a phone number for of course, or else you know… you couldn't phone them.'

Ashley scrolled through her phone book, and then rang a number. She put the phone to her ear for a moment, and then hung up quickly, confusion still prominent on her face. 'What about my phone bill?'

'I'm sorry?'

'You know, phone bills. You have to pay to use a phone. It costs a bloody fortune to phone from a different country, so I imagine it'll cost even _more_ from a different country three thousands years in the bloody future.'

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her. 'Well, I never really thought about it but I'm pretty sure it just works out the same as a local call…'

'Oh it's okay for you though,' Ashley frowned. 'You don't have a fixed address. No, I use this to call Manny a few times or prank call a few people and next thing I know I get home with a bill on my doormat for a couple of million or something.' She shook her head and handed the phone back. 'No, I'd rather you just took it out.'

Now it was the Doctor's turn to stare at her for a while. 'But… no, but see…' He took the phone and waved it at her. 'It doesn't cost anything! Do you really think phone companies on Earth have a special charge for outer space phone calls?'

'I wouldn't be surprised.' Ashley snorted. 'I mean, what am I going to use it for anyway? I don't think Pizza Hut deliver to the 1800s and the only person I could phone is Manny. I don't think I'd want to listen to him rambling on about his out of control belly hair.'

'Belly hair?'

'Don't ask.'

The Doctor looked at the phone, wounded that his gift hadn't been accepted the way he had thought it would. 'Okay then,' he shrugged. 'I'll take it off. I just thought it would be useful, is all.'

Ashley half laughed at his pitiful expression. 'Oh just give it here.' She took it off him and pushed it in her pocket. 'You're such a softy sometimes.'

'I'm not soft. It's you, you're just… ungrateful.'

Ashley smiled. 'You know I don't mean it.' She pulled the phone out of her pocket again and looked at it, one eye narrowed. 'So, let's say we go back to… the sixties and I just _happen_ to get John Lennon's phone number…'

The Doctor looked at her disapprovingly, and she grinned in response.


	18. Going Down

**A/N: Blooming hell, the amount of angst and drama I've been writing is depressing the hell out of me, so I just had to write something stupid to save my sanity before I went to sit in a dark room listening to Leona Lewis' 'Run' and eating ice cream all night. So this was born... enjoy :P

* * *

**

**Going Down**

'I think you're signal picking up doo-dah got it wrong, Doctor,' Ashley said with a frown as they quickly bustled down a smart, neat corridor on the thirteenth floor. 'There's nothing here apart from officer workers and creepy IT people.'

'No, it's definitely here,' the Doctor replied, holding out the elaborately, but very much rushed contraption he had knocked up in the TARDIS out in front of him. He held the sonic screwdriver between his teeth and frowned deeply. 'According to this it's…' He paused and looked ahead, and then behind him. Then he turned right. 'Down here.'

Ashley hurried after him, avoiding meeting eyes with any of the workers that watched them pass by in bewilderment. A man approached the Doctor, his shoulders bunched up and ready to ask what he was doing when the Doctor trust the psychic paper out and quickly told him he was a plumber, before carrying on. All the man could do was stand and look after them, opening and closing his mouth in confusion.

'Here we are!' the Doctor announced, coming to a stop. 'What did I tell you? I always know where I'm going, Ashley, even when I don't. You should know that by now. It should be right on the other side of this…'

_Ping_! The lift doors opened with a gentle _whoosh_ and the Doctor and Ashley looked back at the five smartly dressed individuals who looked back at them with bored expressions.

'I thought you said it was small and squidgy?' she asked. 'None of these people look small and squidgy to me.'

This made a couple of the bored lift-riders frown in confusion. The Doctor consulted the contraption again, and then scratched his head. 'Now… okay this is weird. It's definitely here. Definitely on this floor… right in front of us. Now why would I be getting a reading of that when it's not here…?'

The doors began to close, but he reached out and stopped them with his hand. They opened again. Someone in the lift sighed impatiently.

'Like I said, it's wrong.' Ashley shrugged. 'I say we go back and retune that thing so it actually helps us.'

'No, there's nothing wrong with it!' the Doctor twiddled a couple of dials and frowned. 'It's right there! Right where she's standing!'

The young woman he pointed at looked around in confusion. An impatient man behind her leaned forward. 'Excuse me, but we're actually in this lift to get to another floor, not hang around on this one all day.'

The Doctor pulled out the psychic paper and showed it to them all. They leaned forward, squinting at the name. 'I'd advise you to all get out of the lift,' he told them. 'One of the string… thingies… the ropes that hold the lift up in the shaft, yeah that, it's snapping you see and I count six of you in there,' He gestured to the man who had spoken. 'I'm going to count you as two just to be on the safe side – six of you could quite possibly make that rope break in two, and I don't imagine any of you want to be inside when that happens, do you?'

The people in the lift stared at him incredulously. He clapped his hands, making them all jump.

'Come on then!' he cried. 'Chop chop, out you get! Take the stairs, they'll do you good. You'll have terrible circulation from sitting at those computer screens all day.'

He stood back as the people quickly filed out and hurried away, and then swung into the lift. Ashley followed nervously, eyeing the small interior.

'It's not really going to snap, is it?' she enquired.

'Nah. And even if it was it wouldn't be so bad. You wouldn't even feel anything. It's the falling that's the worse 'cos, well, you know you're going to die don't you? Don't worry about it. Won't hurt.'

Ashley stared at him as the doors shut again with another _ping_.

'Right,' the Doctor went on. 'It's definitely here, there's no bout-a-doubt it. The only thing I can think of is that it's managed to squeeze down the gap in the doors and get into the elevator shaft, which means it's probably latched onto the side of the lift. Outside, rather, which will make it a lot more difficult than I thought it would have been in the first place. But then again it wouldn't be as fun if we didn't have a challenge would it? Thought not. Right then, hold this.' He thrust the contraption in her hands and took out his stethoscope. While Ashley looked on in bewilderment, he got down on his knees and listened to the floor with the stethoscope.

'Hear anything?' Ashley asked.

'Yup. It's there alright. Right on the other side. Not moving. It's probably terrified. I know I would be if I were hanging on the bottom of a big lift. Actually, correction; I _was_ terrified. Now all we need to do is…'

He trailed off as the doors pinged open again. The two of them glanced up, the Doctor still with the stethoscope on the floor and Ashley with the strange contraption in her hands. The young, smartly dressed woman stood where she was outside the lift and looked at them both. No one said anything and no one moved until the lift doors shut again.

'Right, where was I?' the Doctor sighed. 'Oh yes,' He hopped to his feet and looked up. 'There should be a shaft up here, so we can climb onto the top… then hopefully if there's enough space on either side we should be able to climb down to get underneath and grab it, or at least force it to climb to a safer spot so we can corner it or something.'

'Um… we?' Ashley raised an eyebrow. 'As much as you're plan sounds _so_ exciting, I kind of don't want to fall down a lift shaft and _die_ today.'

The Doctor looked at her for a moment. 'Well how else are we going to get it?'

'How about you do it? You're better at climbing around than I am. And my boots are slippy.'

'Oh for crying out loud…' He sighed and rolled his eyes. 'Okay, okay, I'll go. Try and keep the lift from moving up and down, okay?' He looked up at the hatch on the ceiling. 'And I think you'll have to give me a bunk up.'

Ashley blinked. 'A what?'

'A bunk up,' the Doctor replied. 'You know…' He cupped his hands together. 'Like a little human step ladder. You really don't know what a bunk up is?'

'Can't say I've ever heard the term, no.' Ashley frowned. She looked at his clasped hands. 'And you want to stand on my hands? Sorry, but that sounds like it would hurt.'

The Doctor sighed in exasperation. 'Well I suppose I could always just use that giant ladder I keep in my back pocket, couldn't I? Now come on, Ashley, we haven't got all day. Bunk me.'

Ashley snorted and sniggered. The Doctor looked at her disapprovingly and waved his hand to get her to hurry. She set the contraption down on the floor beside her and then clasped her fingers. 'Come on then.' She said. 'Before I change my mind.'

'There's a sport.' He planted one dirty white converse on her hands and pushed himself up.

'Holy _crap_!' Ashley cried. 'Bloody hell you are _way_ heavier than you look! Jesus… my fingers are going to snap!' She cried out in annoyance and discomfort as he planted his other foot on her shoulder. 'Hey hey! You said nothing about shoulders!'

'Just a minute!' the Doctor grunted as he pushed against the small hatch on the ceiling. 'Oh, it's stuck.'

'Doctor, I can't hold you!' Ashley warned him, feeling her fingers slipping. 'So if you don't want to land on your backside I'd advise you to hurry!'

'I _am_ hurrying!' the Doctor shot back irritably. 'Blimey you're impatient, aren't you? I don't weigh that much. You're constantly going on about how skinny I am, aren't you?'

'Yeah but by the feel of it you're carrying breezeblocks in your inside pockets,' Ashley grunted, straining to keep her grip.

'Just a mo,' the Doctor told her. 'Nearly got it. Maybe a blast of sonic will help loosen it…' He shifted his weight as he reached into his inside pocket, causing his heel to dig painfully into Ashley's shoulder.

'_OW_!' she yelled. 'For god's sake!'

'Sorry!' the Doctor replied. 'Right, now just a minute… have this sorted in a jiffy…'

The lift suddenly lurched and began to go down. Ashley swayed, almost causing the Doctor to tumble down, but he pushed his hands against the ceiling to balance himself.

'I thought I told you to stop the lift from moving!' he cried.

'Well I kind of have my hands full!' Ashley shot back angrily.

The lift stopped at the same time Ashley's hands slipped. The Doctor's foot slid through her fingers, his other foot slipping off the back of her shoulder. They both cried out in alarm as the Doctor tumbled down, landing on top of Ashley and leaving them in a painful tangle of bent arms and legs. The doors opened with a friendly _ping_, and the two receptionists on the other side stared at the two intertwined individuals inside.

The Doctor reached inside his jacket with a wince, having to unbend his arm from its peculiar position. He pulled out the psychic paper and showed it to the two bemused looking women.

'Don't worry,' he told them with a pained smile as he pushed Ashley's leg from off his shoulder. 'We're professionals.'


	19. Seeing Your Face Again

**A/N: Seeing as series 1 has finished I thought I'd end Fragments because... well, I won't be writing any more Doctor/Ashley stories. At least I'm not planning too any time soon (-insert shifty eyes here-). And plus I need to keep any ideas I have for the actual stories in series 2 because I only have ideas for five episodes so far and, well, I'll need 13. 13's a big number y'know :(

* * *

**

**Seeing Your Face Again**

The Doctor sat at the console, reattaching the lever that had snapped off earlier. He played with the idea of replacing it altogether, but decided against it. The reason being that whenever he opened up the TARDIS to fix one thing, he found something else that needed fixing and before he knew it he had been in orbit of a small planetoid for two weeks after stopping to fix a dead bulb on the console.

He groped behind him for his spanner, but it was just a little out of reach.

'Ashley, could you just-' He stopped and closed his eyes.

It had been two weeks. Well, something like that. It was always hard to judge time in the TARDIS. Two weeks and he still found himself calling for her and talking to her when he got too excited about something. Then he remembered, and each time it seemed harder to pull himself out of the deep pits of his own guilt.

With a sigh he reached back and got the spanner himself, returning to the console. It was always hard to readjust to being alone again, but he always managed it. Losing people he cared about wasn't exactly new to him. How was that for a depressing thought?

He reattached the lever and tested it twice, pleased with its smoothness. He half smiled, proud of his handwork, and then tossed the spanner back into the toolbox. Now maybe he could get out and mingle with some real life forms instead of moping around with his memories. He strolled around the console and thumped one of the buttons.

'Hello? Hellooooo? Ashley to base, come in base.'

The Doctor stopped dead at her voice. He glanced around, completely bewildered. What was this? Was he hearing things? Had he finally lost one person too many and toppled over the edge. He scratched his head.

'Ashley! Oh for… get away from there, will you?'

The Doctor frowned deeper at the sound of his own voice, and then realised what it was. Pushing his hands in his pockets he moved around to the screen on the other side of the console and looked down at it. On the screen was her face. A very close-up image of her face. One bright eye and half her nose filled up the screen as she inspected it.

'What is this anyway? A web cam?' she enquired. 'Oooh you know web cams were made for perverts, don't you, Doctor? Ha, Dirty Doctor – I bet that's what you call your chat room.'

The Doctor half smiled as she moved back and came into full view. She was grinning broadly at something off screen.

'How many times do I have to tell you?' his voice sighed through the speakers. 'Can't you do as you're told? Blimey I've met bricks with more obedience than you.'

'But really,' Ashley said, leaning on her arms and peering into the screen again. 'What do you use it for?'

'Lots of things.'

'Like what?'

'Well I um… I leave messages for people. I use it for lots of stuff. Now turn it off, it's recording. One of these days I'm going to be doing something really important and then all of a sudden I'm going to be looking at your mug asking why I have a web cam!'

'Aw, it would make you feel better, admit it,' Ashley grinned, turning her face and posing for the camera. 'You're running around like a headless chicken and suddenly I appear in all my beautiful glory and tell you to _push the red button_!' She grabbed the screen and shook it. '_Push the red button, Doctor_!'

The Doctor laughed and crossed his arms. He remembered this moment. It wasn't long after they had met, actually. He remembered being so irritated with her because she wouldn't turn it off.

'Stop it!' his past self cried. 'You're going to pull it off!'

'Oh stop moaning,' Ashley replied, moving back again. 'You're such a grouch. I was only playing.'

The Doctor blinked at his own face appearing on the screen. He readjusted it grumpily and then turned back to Ashley. 'Yes well I'd rather you didn't _play_ with my frankly magnificent space ship. Go on, get out of the way for a minute. Preferably with your finger on your mouth.' He turned to the screen to switch it off.

Before he did, Ashley stuck her head over his shoulder. 'Bye bye, future Doctor! Hope I didn't disturb you from pretending to fix stuff!' The Doctor on the screen frowned and turned off the screen. The picture of the two of them disappeared.

The Doctor stood and regarded the blank screen for a moment. 'You didn't.' he said, softly. 'Not at all.'

The TARDIS hummed gently and he moved back to the console and started her up.


End file.
